Adventures of Darth Daddy

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The reason I called the last post the calming COW and not Deer is because I hung my Chickfila mask on it. We not have a singing cow (imposter) instead of a deer like everyone else. Posted by Picasa

The calming cow

Regarding other Blues brother songs - I'd have to say that Logan (or myself for that matter) isn't a real big BB fan. They're ok - but nothing wow for us. It just happens that the version of the "deer song" was performed by the BBs. The deer speaks an intro, and then sing various songs, like Rawhide, Friends in Low Places, LaGrange, On the Road Again, and Sweet Home Alabama.

I've blogged a while ago how, when Logan was a baby, I would calm him down by sitting on the porch swing with him. With Lance, this Walmart deer head is the trick. When he is overly fussy, one push of a button and he'll stop whatever tantrum he was involved in to stop and watch (sometimes even dance to ) the deer.
That damn deer may be the bestest $35 we spent, with regards to childrearing!

It was another hot day today. All this heat sucks!

At least when it was cold I could bundle the kids up and let them run around outside. As hot as it's been getting lately, we're pretty much limited to 15 minutes outside before having to come in for rest/drinks.

I've got a lot of projects planned - some arts and some home construction related. I'll post pics as we go along.

With his combined strength - there'll be no one to stop him this time. Posted by Picasa

Another neat learning happening

I just thought of another neat thing that happened today. Some random info follows that lead to making it a neat moment---

Each time to go past the eagles area at the zoo (they have 2 eagles), the boys love to see them. I started calling them "Glenn" and "Don", after the Eagles band (Glenn Frey and Don Henley).

Logan's favorite song right now is The Heat is On, by Glenn Frey. He thinks the song goes "I'm 3 years old" - and he is, so we sing it that way.

We found the video for "The Heat is On" on Youtube a few days ago.

Logan's other favorite song is "You spin me round, like a record " by 80's groupo Dead of Alive. Because of this song, Logan was introduced to actual records, and we play them on our stereo.

We bought a deer head from Walmart that moves and lipsinks "Rawhide"

Logan like RAWHIDE so much, I burned it to cd for him - the version by the Blues Brothers.

NOW THE GOOD STUFF: We are eating lunch at McDonalds today, and on the wall they have a display of musicians. They have a poster for an Eagles concert, with pictures of all the band members. Next to it, they have a frame containing a gold record, and a photo of the blues brothers.. Logan looked up and asked who those people were. People thought I was nuts, but I got up and started talking, and pointing to the pictures, and acting like it was learning time!

I reminded Logan of the links between the bird names and the band members names. And that one of them just happened to be Glenn Frey - AND that the blues brothers sang the "Deer song". It all tied together so nicely!! All those zoo visites with me calling the birds Don and Glenn - him asking for the Glenn Frey "3 years old" song, and all those times of singing Rawhide really paid off.

(I was going to explain how Don Henley had a song called the Boys of Summer, and that's what WE were - but I figue I'd save that for another day.)

Missed opportunity, balloon party, and fallign off the floor

First of all, I wanted to share a missed opportunity that I witnessed today. The wife was meeting her mommy group at the local zoo (standard stomping grounds for the boys and I). I already have discussed (on earlier entries) the entire dynamic of "mommy groups" and how they are primarily for the moms and not the kids, so I'll leave that topic alone. It's weird, but when my wife is exposed to the "group dynamic", she really seems to change personalities. Just like all the other ladies, she sems more interested in chatting with the girls than being with the boys. (OUR boys). Today, I decided to tag along - the wife didnt' have work, our family pass gets us all in free, and I had nothing else better to do.

First notable thing was that, although normally a friendly outgoing group, the most that was said to me the entire outing was when a new member of the group looked back and saw that a "strange man" was folowing them - and she asked the girls who I was. She even said "Oh - I was wondering who thsi strange man following us was". Beyond that, I was pretty much on my own, except for my boys.

When we go to the zoo, I always take advantage of it as a learning experience. Mothers yell at their kids to "get away from those bugs", while Im calling mine over to show them the kewl insect I found. Just from talking about "bad bugs" and "good bugs", my 3 yr old knows how many wings a dragon fly has vs a butterfly. He knows the importance of spiders, that Orb Weavers make big BIG spiral webs, and that bats (although scarey at times) actually help us by eating mostiquitoes. Also, that the although the python and anacanda DO bite, they prefer to hug their food. Simple little things that act like building blocks.

Today, we walked by the lion's area. Previously, we had seen their ball in the water (moat that surrounds their area). As he gazed thru the plexiglass window, a girl from "our" group joined him. Logan was going on about how the zookeepers must have got the ball from the water - then he asked why is didn't sink. At this point, the girls mom approached, told the girl "Come on - there's nothing to see - there's no animals here", and made her leave. True - the lions were farther up, and not visable from that viewpoint, but we could still see their glassland area - their lake (moat) - plenty of things to see and talk about.

I went on to explain that the ball didn't sing because their was air inside of it. A rock had no air in it, so it sinks - but a ball will float.

Later that day, he had a balloon (non helium), and told me that "This bloon foat dad. Not in air, it not have speshal air - but it foat on water, like lions ball".

I thought "SWEET!!"

That mom really missed an oportunity today. Becaause there were no animals visable, standing their was pointless, and they had to move on. I, on the other hand, took the time to talk with my boy, and laid the ground work for bouyancy, comparitive measuring, rocks sink and balls float - and who knows what else. There are times when I think "I'm really overexplaining something". And Im sure at times I do. I try not to overburden his small mind with "stuff", but each time to give him another mental Lego to add on to what we already talked about.


When ballons fly away from us (and up to the sky), we tell the boys that they are on their way to a private "balloon party". We wave, wish them well, and are happy because they get to go to a party. It's much better than listening to cries of "I WANT MY BALLOOOOOON!!!"


Time to lay an old saying to rest. I've often said "You can't fall off the ground". But tonight, I was laying down, and as I tried to get up, my foot slipped out and I fell right back down. It wasn't off the ground very much - only an inch or so, but suddenly goign in a downward direction was a bit of a suprise to me. I guess you really CAN fall off the ground!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Some "goings on" from the comment section

Let me bring everyone up to speed -

  • At 11:33 PM, KC said…

    Take it easy guys. The comment wasn't so awful, but of course it made you mad since it used the phrase White Trash and it criticized your parenting.

    I think there was a small point to be made, but when strangers make it we find ourselves rather defensive.

  • At 11:19 AM, Darth Daddy said…

    Hold on...

    This is almost like when someone says "Knock knock..." you feel obligated to follow up...

    Just what the hell is the "small point" to be made? That I write like white trash? Or that my kids are "suffering" and would be better off if I wasn't around??

    As for "starngers making points", if anyone else (a friend, a family member, or clergy) were to say such an insultive brainless remark, I'd tell them to kiss my ass as well.

    But seriously - exactly what "small point" were you refering to?

  • At 2:40 PM, KC said…

    Attacking the messenger and not the message isn't a way to get people to post on your blog.

    I think all the profanity you put in writing is the lightning rod here. If you were grumpy without being profane and all "I'm gonna kick yer ass" with the attitude, you'd come across a little differently.

New stuff:

Well Keith, people with overly critical and insultive comments about my parenting style, my impact on my kids lives, my marital situation, or my socio-economic status are actually NOT encouraged or welcomed to comment on my little slice of the internet.

I think that those people who joined me in condeming the asshole remark that was left were, in fact showing empathy- It's a means for friends to show that they understand what you are feeling, and that they are supportive of you.

As for my profanity and "aggressive" style, that's me. That's why the blog name is in reference to the dark side of the force (DUH!). If I wanted to express myself with flowers and rainbows I'd have named the fucking blog "The Adventures of Unicorn and Sunshine Daddy".


Monday, July 17, 2006

An ear for music

I've always had musical talent. My wife, however, can't carry a tune in a bucket. We had always hoped the kids would take after me when it came to music. I think Logan has -and maybe may be better at it than me.

Logan really like things related to the new Disney cartoon CARS. (I refues to see any movies anymore, cause it's too much money - the dvd is always cheaper and has more stuff on it). Anyways, Logan started refering to a certain song as "The race car song". It was the Cure "Just like heaven". I didn't give it much thought - just figued that it didn't matter WHY he liked it, if he liked it I got to listen to it! Then, I loaded another cd with music, and he started calling another song "The Racecar song". It was Blodie singing "MARIA". We've been listening and singing these tunes for weeks now (one song is in MY car, the other in the wifes car).

Tonight, MARIA was stuck in my head as I popped in a cd in my car, and when JUST LIKE HEAVEN started, I'll be damned if it aint the EXACT same tune. Same beat and all. My boy recognized a beat pattern!!! Huray!!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Almost a whole week- where'd the time go?

I managed to do massive yardwork and housework last Sunday. Also managed to piss off my mom, by not calling her to work on her car some more. I should never have taken that picture of her engine compartment. Just thinking of it (the actual engine or the picture) makes me want to run and wash my hands. Because I "stood he rup" on Sunday, she showed up an hour late to our "make it up to her " lunch meeting on Monday. But it backfired, cause the kids and I had already eaten, had desert - and we ready to leave. Lance needed a nap, and we left about 2 minutes after she waltzed in the door.

I think that our love affair with Genghis Kahn Mongolian BBQ is over. Last week, they added $2.50 to the bill. No big deal. We asked about why, and they pointed out that Logan was tall enough (when compared to a piece of tape on their wall) to be charged a kids price. $2.50 is ok, so we didn't think anything of it. Then , a few days later, we went back for lunch, and they tacked on $3.95. When I asked about it, they said that lunch was $3.95, and dinner was $5.95 (for kids). I guess we shoudl consider ourselves lucky that they let us slide for so long without adding "kids" charges to the bill, but now this random "charge what the hell we feel like charging" has me a bit pissed off.

Baby Cow - Baby Cow - Chick---no wait, is that a cow?!

They say that necessity is the mother of invention. They also say that I am an attention freak, and (like my kids) crave being in the spot light. Chickfila had a special promotion today. For today only, is was declared "Cow Appreaciation Day". If you wore something of a cow costume, they gave you 1 free food item. If you dressed from head to toe in a cow costume, they gave you a free combo meal. Ya'll know how we LOVE us some Chickfila, so we HAD to go. The baby had a dalmation costume already, so I made him a hat by glueing tussie paper to a dollar store hat (How's THAT for white trash??). For Logan, we hit up a thrift store, and got him a black bodysuit and a black puffy winter vest - also decorated them by glueing on tissue paper cow spots. They looked adorable. Then it was my turn, and I had nothing. I starting thinking back to all those damn cow costumes at Walmart after HAlloween, and thought "When the hell will I ever need a cow costume?!". THen the creative part took over. I had no COW costume, but I DID have a chicken suit. Chickfila. Chicken sandwiches - chicken costume..I GOT IT! I'll go as a Chicken - from head to toe - DISGUISED as a cow! Bought a white sheet of postboard and oversized glasses (dollar store)....add some scissors, a sharpie, some Googled "cow faces" pictures for quick reference - and VOILA! Off to the show we went! (And yes, I am wearing a full faced chicken mask under the cow mask)

Lance was scared of the BIG cow mascot they have, but Logan jumped at the chance for a photo op.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Well, we have decided to enroll him in preskool. $365 a month! The wife is full for it, and I think I am too. Putting him in preskool will get him better socialized with other kids, and give Lance and I time to do things while he is at skool. One thing that sucks is that while the skool is open from 6am-6pm, they charge the same dollar amount whether or not you are there the full time or not. We aren't really looking for day care/after skool care. What we really wanted was something more acedemic oriented than just "daycare". We don't NEED daycare - we already have that (and then some). But my son is kinda screwed in that he has a "late in the year" bday. THis means that regardless of how smart him am (joke), he will automatically be put a grade behind due to his age. Back in Cleveland, (and back in the 1970's), I was able to take an "early entrance exam", which allowed me to skip kindergarten and go to first grade. I was always the baby of the class, regarding age, but in the top 3 in grades. In Va, they have decided not to allow early entry, and just make kids wait another year before starting skool (that sucks!). And here I was happy that we had the same astrological sign.

Lance has not yet turned 2, but has definitely entered into the "terrible" part of them. Temper tantrums , gettign pissy, throwing things when he deosn't get his name it. On the good foot, he has really taken to the swimming lessons and LOVES the water.

The new lawn mower is kicking much ass! I'm almost afraid to allow it near the older one, for fear it (the older one) may try to corrupt it. I tell ya, it incredible how much larger yoru yard can look when it is mowed.

Tomorow is Sunday - the wife and kids will float away to the inlaws, leaving me with some time on my hands to do absolutely NOTHING!! (or, more accurately - time to change the brakes on the truck - replace the remaining 4 plugs and wires on moms car, finish the wooden fence project, bla bla bla -

Friday, July 07, 2006

Another asshole speaks when they shouldn't

Well- what can I say - add another jackass to the "people are stoopid" pile. Check out what some lame ass no balls anonymouse person had to say:

At 12:44 AM, Anonymous said…

Actually most of the things you post are very white trash... You may think you are a "hero" for your so called sacrifice to stay home with those boys but I am sure in the long run they will suffer more by having you home as well as all the shit they have to deal with as a result of your poor relationship with your wife.

To whoever you are - while I bend over gracefully to tie my shoes - feel free to kiss my ass.

ps. How's the weather there in Salt Lake City?

Hope someone find this

If anyone is a student of the Karate Institute (either in Cleveland or any other area), and have a video of the bo staff form Tsuru no hisho , please contact me. I've forgotten a few parts - and sequences. It'd be nice to see it performed corectly. I've checked Google and Youtube, but no luck.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

YMCA - the bad and the maybe good

Sure - I bitch about the Y a bit - they DID after all try to boot me out of the play area. Today, the wife brought home one of the "Rules and stuff of the child watch program" flyers. Not sure how long it's been there, but one paragraph states that parents are welcomed and encouraged - no shit- to help out and volunteer with snacks or games. I guess by "parent", they just ment the female ones, cause LORD knows us guys (who arean't wearing a red shirt) scare the shit outta those soccer moms when we play games like "roll the ball", or "Sing the abc's" with their kids. That hispanic Chewbacca lookin bitch had some nerve trying to kick me out, and fiuring that I'd just roll over and take it.

Ok - Im under control again.

On to the "maybe good stuff"

I sent an email to someone (It was a generic mail link from their website) at the YMCA. I asked why it was that most (if not all) martial art programs are in "sessions" (most lasting 5-6 weeks), and that to take the classes, it's always an additional fee (usually $50-75). I figure, with how long I've trained, and the various arts I've taken, how about starting a martials arts class with me? Maybe just a kids class to start - 1 day a week - no fees - maybe in exchange for free membership. (I did not include that I was the irrate father from the attempted booting from a few months ago).

I received an email back, saying that my email was forwarded to the head of Youth Services, and maybe we can link up and come to some agreement.

The new "working" grass cutter. Posted by Picasa

The old mower - I kept it to tinker with Posted by Picasa

The nasty engine compartment (and broke piece) that I had to deal with from mom's Town Car. Within about 10 seconds, my hands and arms matched this shade of "oil". Posted by Picasa

Our dog, sandy. If I could do this, I'd get any chick I wanted!!!! Posted by Picasa

Today, I figured out how to link both "taxis" and formed a choo choo train. All the old folk around the hood loved it, as did the kids. Think I'll stick a teddy bear in the bike seat. Posted by Picasa

The response I got by saying "Hey kids, pass the drink to daddy, will ya?" Posted by Picasa

Happy 4th of July

I'd have to say that this was the most bla 4th ever. We did the "picnic with her stroller group" thing, so the kids at least had a good time, but they both fell asleep around 7pm, which means no fireworks this year. I'll bet that Logan would have watched about 15 seconds of them, before yelling that he wanted to go home, but still - it would have been nice.

I traded in 2 mowers (I felt obligated to keep the 22in Murray I spoke of earlier) on a new (used) 4 hp one. So far, it kicks much ass. I'll post a pic of it if I can get downstairs to the camera tonight. The old guy I bought it from only wanted $35 for it - AND was nice enough to give me a primer bulb and a gas tank for the one I'm trying to repair. I started to haggle with him, and confused him when I kept going UP in price. "I know that we agreed on $35, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking $40 for it." I gave him the $40 -after all, he did give me some free stuff that would have cost me a bunch to buy new - so $5 extra was the least I could do.

CAR REPAIR: Fortunately, not my own. Mom complained about her car acting really bad, and wanted me to replace her spark plugs and wires. She bought em - I was replacing them, when I found a major vacumme leak. 2 hours and $20 later, I had the vacumme leak repaired, a new part installed, and 4 of the 8 spark plugs (and wires) installed. I told her I'd get the other 4 plugs another day. It was very hot, and gettign late.

A friend of mine, who insists on having his birthday parties at local yuppy bars - on Saturday night, with no reservations (I can't take the cigarette smoke), has tol dme that he forgives me for not attending this years party. "And, oh by the way , can you replace the brakes on my car for me?" If it weren't for the fact that I really honestly think that he is mentally delayed, I'd have told him to kiss me non-smoking ass. (BTW- he doesn't smoke either - just is a complete moron about plannign events). So, 10:30am tomorrow, he'll be gettign new brakes, and I'll be getting a free lunch shortly thereafter.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Damn lawmowers

The score: Lawnmowers 3 Me zero

Our lawnmower (a 22in, 5hp, cut and mulch with BIG wheels in the rear) broke a few months ago. I've been taking care of the yard by pretending that my weed eater is actually an AH64A Apache attack helicopter, and by executing a series of dangerously low high speed passes, and a number of equally dangerous upside down landings, the yard has been pretty well - acceptible.

Yesterday, I was badly teased. No, not by a bikini clad 19 year old tart at the pool..oh no - but by a pissy little 1 hp mower that I rescued from the trash pile of someone in my hood. I cleaned the plug, wd-40'd it, added gas, and actually got it to start. And to run - and to cut 1/4th of my yard, before it gave me the finger. It refused to start, AND a hurt myself when I pulled on the starter cord, and it let loose - causing my right fist to hit and bruise my right boob. But it motivated me to do two things:

1. Raise it over my head with 2 hands, yell like a madman, and throw it about 15 ft across the yard. The older boy was watching from his playground, and added "You do just like Hulk, daddy. That be cool"

2. Attempt to repair the older (and much nicer) mower. I called around, and found a place that bad a new float, and went to get it (we ALL went to get it-it was a family thing). When I got there, the guy told me that I didn't need a new float, but a seal kit (which is what I originally asked for). 10 minutes and $10 dollars later, I leave with a spiffy fixed carb. We get home, I put it back together - and it actually ran. Leaked gas like a bitch, but it ran. The gas tank, it turns out, has a crack near the top, and gas (althought the tank is only 1/3 full, manages to leak out the top. One more thing to fix. My glory only lasted about 5 minutes - when it stalled and refused to stay running.

It has some damn air leak - or something. It starts - then just as it starts to reve up, it revs down - and dies.

The wife decided that we would pop back to the yard sale, and se if they would sell their mower for less. They had already sold it, but refered us to a local "old guy" who fixes mowers for a living. After seeing his selection, we finally agreed on one, for $45. He agreed to come down on the price $10 if we gave him our old mower (not the hulked one, but the nicer one that has hope of running again. I'm supposed to "do the deal" tomorrow. I've given it some thought, and my "man"ness has kicked in. I will buy the new mower, but I'll be damned if that friggin old one will get the better of me. For $10, I think I'll keep it, and tinker a bit. I'm SOOOO close to getting it running. And with him only offering $10 in trade, I figure where else can I get an "almost" working mower (that I know the history of). I may end up "hulking" it as well, but at least I'll have a spiffy $45 used mower to cut the damn grass with while I do.

OH - I wanted to blog about this last week, but never got to the computer:

We are leaving the Y, after a great morning of swim lessons, and playing, and male bonding - and we are getting ready to leave the parking space, when the lady next to us loads her kids, and says (as she looks at the car parked in front of her) "Guess we won't be going straight out". (The space in front of me was empty). Logan asks "Will WE be going straight out?"

Me: Sure will. Daddy's got a truck. You know how I drive. "

Short pause

Logan: "Rock on, daddy"

Me: "Rock on, Logan"

Whoa - what happened

It's 7:30am, ona Saturday. Both boys wake up - I change the little ones diaper as the 3 yr old heads to the potty for a tinkle. The wife says she's headed to a class at the Y that starts at 8. BOth kids give me hugs and kisses, they pile in the minivan, and suddenly, I'm all alone (save for 3 cats and the dog). THis is pretty neat - but it happened so sudden, I'm still in a minor state of shock. (AND, kinda lost - what the hell do I do now? Still got an hour before heading off to aikido class).

Anyways - I was clicking on the features of that STAT program (located near the bottom of my page), and found some interesting things :

1. Some one else out there has not received their rebate from Mach Speed. I wonder if they got screwed just like I did. I'll say this again in the future, to make sure search engines pick it up - MACH SPEED SUCKS! They will rip you off for your rebate. THey also will not inform you that they ripped you off. They will just sit back, laught at your ignorance, and blow your rebate money on hookers and drugs.

2. I'm not the only poor bastard that Wolpoff and Abramson have gone after for old credit card debt. They won a judgment against me last year. Good luck gettgin anything though - ever hear the phrase "Can't get blood from a stone"?

3. I found another dad blogger that has a nice site (and a link to mine - many thanks!). Please check him out at DANGER POP.

Just a bit of advice - if you add someone to your link bar, send em a message or email letting them know. I'd hate to miss out on some nice blogs cause I never knew they were there. It'll also help to develope a broader community (broader- meaning bigger, not that more chicks are involved-hehe)

Well, off to see what the kitchen has in store for me. Happy Saturday everyone!
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