I should be blogged..er.....flogged. Oops.

Been so busy with the kids that updating the blog has come to a screaching halt. Can’t
believe I’ve let so many days go by without typing something. Anyways..here’s what’s
new....

Darth Logan (2 yrs 2 month): Still prone to unexpected fits or rage.....his face turns red,
he starts lookin gfor anything and everything to throw (often at me), he screams BAD
BAD BAD at me....I’ve adopted the soft approach, as the hard style was only fueling the
fire. I’ve been staying very calm....giving him some space, while keeping on him (to
show that this type of behavior is not acceptable). I keep my voice low, and keep tellign
him that he’s not being nice, that Daddy is not BAD, and that he is making me very sad.
Sometimes this alone will cause him to snap out of it. Other times (the worse times), I
end up havin gto physically (but gently) carry his ass to his room, set him down on the
bed, and close the gate behind me. I give him a minute or two to work it out....then
approach the gate, and see if he’s ready to be a good boy. This approach has been very
successful. He’ll start saying “ok”....”ok” (meaning that he understands he needs to be
nice, and is now compliant). Sure wish I knew what sets him off like that...it’s never a
constant stimulus, like changing a diaper, or putting on shoes, although he does tend to
wig out when there is somethign that must be done (like chaning a dirty diaper, putting
on a jacket when it’s cold outside). Most times, these actions elicit a positive
response...he cant wait to pick out/put on hios own jacket....diaper time is fine, as long as
I use baby powder (per his request). Then BAM - a shitfit out of left field, over
somethign that we’ve done several times (even that day). Im hanging in there....holding
my ground while remaining flexible to conform to ...oh bla bla bla. Sounds like Im
writting another friggin psych paper for my graduate degree. Simply put, this kid really
makes me clueless sometimes. Im trying a mix of “what I studied in skool” + what I
used in practice + making up shit as I go along. Guess you kno wyou’ve done the
right/wrong thing either when they get kids of their own, or when the police come
knocking at the door at 4am some night)

Darth Lance (5 months old today!!): If this kid gets any cuter, he’s likely to explode. I
hate to say that he didnt hafve much personality at first (but he didnt..specially compared
to his brother), but he’s really REALLY coem around. He’s an attention hog, will laugh
and giggle and smile at you, and cry as soon as you look away. I must say, Id rather that
than have him develope some antisocial personality. He’s started giving me razzzberries
when he is unhappy. And talking......this kid is gonna be yacking my ear off in a month
or so. No words yet (like dada), but man can he tell a story!

The Emporer(ess): Darth Wife: Ok - a great disturbance in the force to report here.
She’s been gettign stressed out at work/because of work, and havin a short fuse with the
kids. Of course, as a humble jedi father must, I draw the fire and often stick myself in
the line of fire. I figure, if she’s lacking patience with the babies, I have ot her her yell.
If she’s pissed at ALL MALE MEMBERS of the household, noen of us have to hear her
bitch!(HEHEHEHHEHEH) . She was ok today when she got home from work, although
we really didnt see that much of each other. She took the reins after a short food outting,
and I was off to the dojo. I came home early, to find everyone in good spirits.

Darth Daddy: Well, here it is.....Ive decided to go on a sex strike. Now this is a
dangerous thing to do, to spite a woman who is a sexual camel (one good hump, and she
can go for months). In my experience (and I wont name names/dates cause Im still not
sure if she’s reading this), Ive never had anyone turn me down cause I took too long, or
the car was too large for the garage. Imagine conditioning yourself for a tournament, and
being turned away cause you are too good at the sport. Added to this all these
goddamned comercials I see for Cialis, and other “male enhancements”. (Side note: if an
errection lasts for more than 4 hours, Im not calling a doctor....Im calling a few hookers
and a film crew - and someone at Ripley’s!)

Oh shit...Logan is up and headed to the living room - BRB....

(15 mintues later)

Ok got off lucky - caught him before he started crying, and he fall back asleep. More
on this later....


I wash - I really do - but for some reason , the wife is “infenction” prone becuase of sex.
We can go weeks without, then one time and BAm - urinary trac infection. THis is
----shit..he’s headign out agian...brb---


Ok - I leave the sex-out for the moment - Im sure none of that info is thrilling any
readers. Lets move on to my daily schedule....

Around 3-4am, the baby wakes up, and can be put back down after a 6 oz bottle.
Usually, Im either just goign to bed as he starts crying, or have gotten only 1-2 hours
sleep at this point.

Around 630-730, baby wants to feed again. OR - Logan wakes up. Sometimes, after
slipping away to feed the baby, Logan wakes up, thereby destroyign any hope sI had of
putting the baby back down, and goign back to sleep.

Once up , it’s time for cartoon (Wiggles, Peep, Paz, Hi-5, and Todds World- i hate Todds
world). Todds world is nothing more than multiculturalism disguised as a cartoon,
forcing feeding “We all are different, but we all are the same” shit to kids. Mor eon this
at a later blog.

After a cartoon has been decided on, it’s time for breakfast. Toaster waffles are a
blessing. Also, microwave pancakes, but I sometimes like to make eggs and sausage for
us too (If I can stay awake and not set mysef on fire).

Sometime around 10am, Lance falls asleep. He sleeps for an hour or so, and wakes at
11ish. By this time, we’ve watched hours of cartoon, or have selected a movie to watch.
Logan is supposed to(and I use the word SUPPOSED to lightly) go down for a nap
around 12ish. By this time, he needs a nap, and I need a break. If Im lucky, both will
nap from 12 or 1 - and give me an hour alone. Most times now,as Logan goes down,
Lance rises. I use the time to bond.

Now it’s about 1 or so, and Im thinking LUNCH! We make some lunch, and pop in a
movie. All appropriate stuff - Karate Kid, Scooby Doo 1 and 2, Star Wars, Farscape..I let
him choose - I really doo). Mommy comes home around 330-430, and wants to take a
leak, and sit for a while. Mind you, no transferance of power exists yet. Im still pulling
duty here. After 15 minutes or so, she suggest going out to eat, and the melee ensues.
What was a simple task of gettign both kids ready is now compounded (and conFounded)
by all the excitment that “mama is home”. This is where her stress starts to rear it’s ugly
head. Most times, it works best to send her out the car with the baby, and I wrangle the
older boy. This is not only effective, but saves the boy a lot of mess.

430-6 We feast as if we were Klingons!!!

6pm - We return home, and some nights, I head off to the dojo. Some nights this is ok
with Logan, other nights he has a break down , yellign ME MEE MEEEEEE! He
wants to come too. I eventually break away, and head off to what I hope is a decent night
of martial arts . What I encounter is teachers not showing up, or being the only on in
class (not always bad), or having the entire experience derailed by some pretty little flirty
bitch who wants all the attention in class. AHGHGHGHHGGH.

9pm Return home - some times the kids are asleep...some night not. Logan goes down
shortly afterwards, Lance is on his own schedule. I now have an hour to spend with the
wife, although she is already initiated “sequence shut down mode”. At 10-11 she stops
sleepign on the couch, adn heads off to the bedroom. I stay up and watch
movies/computer/whatever. I cant sleep yet.

Midnight to 1am - Logan awakes, grabs his pillow and blanket, and comes out to the
living room. He plops his stuff down, and goes right back to sleep. If I take him back to
his bed (either before he polps down,or afterwards) he will get so upset that he will wake
up the baby. That would mean twice the work for me. Sooooo - I have been sleeping on
the livingroom floor, next to the olders jedi child in the house. I dont mind the
company...it gets him back to sleep, and sometimes makes me go to bed early (or risk
wakign him). Remember, this is now 1am, which means that the baby may wake up in a
few hours and want a bottle. And the cycle starts all over again.

Wow - I’d drained just writting all that.

Now - take into account that Im a braod shouldered 6ft, 220lb dude (ex cop, rode a
motorcycle, bla bla bla). Being turned down for “quality time” not only doesn’t amuse
me, but also bring the whole “male image/role” into question. I don’t doubt my
“maleness” cause I raise my kids. I think I am pretty damn good at what I do..and I don’t
considered it sissy work. I dare any other dude to try my “job” for a week. The diapers
alone would make most men cry. But something has to give soon. THe dojo needs to get
it’s shit together, or I need a 19 yr old massage therapist take a keen interest in me or
something. Im supposed to be Darth Daddy. Instead , Im starting to feel like Yoda.

“For 2 years have changed diapers - my own counsel will I keep on who is to be changed!
Yessssss”. It really sounded better than it looks in type.

Well - that’s my life for tonight. Next time, I hope to address the issues of religion, why
most of them have a flaw (or just plain out suck), and how the hell Im supposed to bring
religiosity to the children.

Night all - time to put Blade Runner on, and await Logan’s 2am arrival..........

(In my head, I hear that song/commercial ..”And the wheel ......goes round.....and round”.