Adventures of Darth Daddy

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sweet moment with my son

I'll divide this up for those who may want to just read the good things that happened to me..and those who want to share in my distress.

GOOD STUFF: Went out to eat for lunch with the wife and kids (Chickfila!!). We had coupons. After eating, we went into the play area, where Logan went nuts...and even Lance got to play. I bobbed and weaved myself (and baby Lance) to the top of their play area thingie......Up at the 3rd level, there was only two ways down....the corner we came up at, or the twisty slide. For Lance , this was heaven. He was WAAY up in the air, could look thru the netting and see momma WAAAAAY below him..there were 3 girls that thought he was the cutest thing alive (they played with him the entire time we were there), and when it was time to go down (we did this twice), he got a super speed slide experience on top of my tummy (I layed on my back, put him on my belly, and whOOOOSHED down the slide). He laughed so hard I thought he was gonna choke!


We went to church tonight. The baptism (for both boys) is set for next saturday. We also had to deliver a paper to the priest showing that our choice of Godparents was OK'ed by the church. Logan was a bit high strung, but we made it thru mass without having to kill/maim/spank anyone.


MY SUCKY LIKE STUFF: The inlaws have never liked me. Once I married their daughter, they kinda accepted me. We dated since we were about 17 or 18, married when we were 30, and within 2 years, started our ownfamily when Logan came along. I must admit, grudginly, that they have done a decent job of keeping their nose out of my business.

Flashback to when we were dateing: The inlaws have always had this self richeous, stuckup aire about them. They have 3 kids, are catholic, and appeared to be the model family unit. No drugs, alcohol, wife beating, or anything that would end them up on a Jerry Springer edisode. My life, however, was not like that. Im not sure how much they knew, but Im sure they were aware that I came from a broken home. (Man..not I have to note what they knew and what they didnt know...let's just stick with that they knew). I was an only child, raised by a single parent (my mother). Mind you, I was in my teens when I started dating my wife..but they ignored this, and blamed anything and everything that I did (that they didn't lik eoir approve of) on my being raised single parented. It was an insult to me, and to my mother.

***BACKGROUND INFO*** My biofather was a drunk. A hillbilly from Pennsylvania whose hobbies were (and probably still are) fishing, hunting, drinking, fighting, and smacking his women around. Don't knowHOW the hell my mother ended up with him. Do't knwo if it was his charm, and he because abusive later....think I'll have to ask her this when I see her next. From what she has told me (and what Ive pieced together), my father was overcontroling. My mom wanted to have as many kids as possible, and i get the sense that my father saw this as his "rein" of control coming to an end. I seems to recall talk of comments made about "hitting her in the stomache if she turned up pregnant". I really think he wanted no kids, so he couldn control his woman better, and keep her under his thumb. Well, this may have worked with a weaker woman, buy my mother has a spiteful side to her. Once I came along, my mom waised up, and left the bum. I think I wasn't even a year old. He was always delinquent on his $20 a week (or month) child support, was distant when I stayed with him for his 2 week a year visitation, and even broke into our house in Cleveland one time and assaulted my mother (in front of me). I'll address this one later..that's an entirely different blog. Anyways, my now deceased uncle and my grandafther both stepped in and more than assumed the role of father figure in my life. Back to my wife and her parents....

The inlwas have done some stoopid shit in their time. They once grounded my wife (then 18 years of age) for wearing my black leather jacket. "Innapropriate" was a battle cry of theirs. The later bought her a leather jacket for christmas (about 4 years later). I was fuming inside! One time, we went to a theme park (1 hour drive away). A tire blew out, and the rim wouldn't coem off the car. Took me an hour to get that damn thing changed, and she got home 30 minutes late (after her curfew). Didn't matter that we had the blown out tire in the trunk to show them.....nope. it was a clear violating of her curfew and she got grounded. Not from tv, or anythingelse.....just gounded from ME. I was going out of town with my family the next day. When the inlwas found out about that, they ungrounded her for the entire time I was gone, and REINSTATED IT the day I got back. What assholes.

Once, my grandfather was down from Cleveland, and we both stopped over their house. I wanted to take the wife (then 18/19) out for icecream with my grandfather. The inlaws said something like "because I didnt call ahead, it was innapropriate for them to let her go with us". This one had me pissed. I even peel wheels exiting their driveway.


Has anyone here ever dated a girl whose parents took turns at the "good cop/bad cop" thing? I did. Never knew which one was out to get me. One time, the wife (MIL) would say that I was such a nice boy, and the father would chop me down. Then next time the wife was saying what a bad guy I was, and the father thought I was ok. All of this was heard second hand (my wife told me what she had heard them say). But still. They'd raise a big stink if I came in their house and didnt hunt them down to say HELLO. The next time, I did so and they had a problem with me acting "fake".

There's more...more than I care to remember right now......more than you care to read right now. Looking back, I admit that I may have acted the same way towards MY daughters boyfriends. If I have a girl, there will never be anyone good enough for her. I can understand some of where they were coming from.

Now, we come back to today. Not today as in Saturday, but as in recently. While my mother has minorly pushed for the boys to get baptised, she never has made a big stink of it. The inlaws, on the other hand, have always been religious (although they never pushed for the baptism either..at least not to me.). They say grace before each meal, go to church every Sunday, bla bla bla. Recently, their only remaining parent (MIL's father) has not been in good health. As his health decreased, the MIL got more Jesus in her life. If she needs the crutch..more power to her. This also means that Jesus had to get spread around as well. Like them teaching Logan to pray, and to say grace, and to bless himself. FIL at least asked (he asked the wife) if he could teach Logan to pray..but the blessing himself and grace was taken for granted. They once made a "horse and pony" show of Logan to friends of theirs...big msitake.

I've given too much background info.....onto the problem. The inlaws are going to be the Godparents. We wanted the wife's sister and her husband, but things didnt work out. I now am very concerned that the inlaws will view themselves as having more power to butt their nose into MY family decisions (regarding religion). I made a comment to the wife that I hope they realize that they only have say so IF and WHEN I die....this started a fight between us.
"WHy do you have to be liek that?" she asks. Then she just shuts down, like I'm now on IGNORE mode.

Today we were at Chickfila, and Logan was getting a little wild. He wouldn't calm down, and I knew that the wife would get pissy, so I picked him up and held him. He started to laugh, and I ended up hoisting him up by his feet. I then lifted him up, and set him over my shoulder. He was contained....he was happy, and the wife starts bitching at me cause we're making a scene. I say "So what?". She complains that he was kicking his feet, and there were people behind us. I tell her 'Then they need to learn to back up". I am big big BIG about people giving me person space. Ever wait in line 9 with a grocery cart) , and every inch you move up, the asshole behind you has to scoot up too? Like 3 more inches is really gonna get him anywhere faster. Anyways, the wife got pissed off and froze me out. I finally asked Logan to take his baby brother and the GRUMP and get a table. When we got the food to the table, she acted fine, but by then "I" was the one pissed about what had happened.


ENDING ON A GOOD NOTE:
Logan didn't get a nap today, so I knew he would fall asleep pretty fast. When it was his night night time, he started fussing and asking me to lay down with him. I told him I would, but only for a little while. We layed there for about 4 minutes, watching tv,when he turned over towards me. I brush the ahir out of his face, and he says "More, dad. More." So I brushed his hair, and his head, and within a minute...he was sound asleep. Sleep tight little one.

2 Comments:

  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger jd said…

    Love your blog! You poor man! Your in-laws sound like my mother's family, though they treat me like they treat you! It's a serious mind game... you think you know the rules, try to play by them, and then they change them on you. Keep sane, Darth Daddy! I'm sure you're a great dad.

     
  • At 1:01 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    I totally identify with you... My in-law's are seriously messed up. FIL was/is verbally and mentally abusive. MIL is a holier-than-thou religious snob. Neither one of them has ever given me an ounce of respect. They've never even bothered to get to know me in all the 17 years since first meeting my wife.

    Since the kids were born I basically told my wife that we will never spend the night at the in-law's home, that they will never take my kids by themselves, even for an hour. And that they will not infringe any of their warped beliefs on me or my family. Thankfully, my wife agrees for the most part. She knows the kids should never be left alone with them.

    THey're 90 minutes away from us, in the same small town as MY parents, so when we go to visit my parents we have to kind of sneak into town so that we don't have to go see the in-law's.

    My view on baptism... I don't get it. It's just a ritual, and I can't see why God would care about that sort of thing. What, is God such a loon that he only accepts people who have had water poured on their heads?

    I teach my kids that there is a higher being that we call God (why not?) and I teach them stories out of the Bible, but I don't feel the need to pass on every man-made ritual that the man-made churches have created to make themselves feel better.

    Oh well... Hey, just never let those in-laws get you down. Remember that your kids love you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

     

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