SSSSHHHHHhhhhhh
As you read this, I beg of you to be quiet. No noise..no stomping of feet...no chomping of chips. You see, the day started out innocent enough. The sunlight shone in thru the part in the floor length curtains in the boys room. Of course, the curtain crack somehow magically seems to allow that sunbeam to peg me right in the eye, but that's neither here nor there.
THe childen awoke...first Lance...then Logan. I got Lance a new diaper, and Logan joined us on the floor. All seem to be normal enough. Even when the wife walked in to sit with us, the day felt normal.
UNTIL
We'll get to that...
The wife made everyone waffles, fresh from the Scooby doo head waffle griddle. NOW here's where the day gets weird. Im not sure if it was alien abdunction, twisted temperment, or something in those damn waffles, but about 2 hours later, that oldest son of mind done lost his friggin mind! It started after him and I were wrestling, while I was trying to get a new pair of underwear on him, and some pants. TUrns out the pants were actually his little brothers...so he had me there....so I grabbed some shorts and got em on em. He seemed content. THe wife walks in, and suggests pants.....so his legs dont get cold. Everyone is in long pants except Logan. I agree, thereby releasing the Djin from the bottle, the cat from the bag, and threw the shit directly into the proverbial fan.
The wife grabs 2 pair of sweatpants, and asks "Do you want the blue ones? Or the black ones?" She was too distracted by the search for the pants to observe that our son no longer stood before her....rather, a mutated, twisted "look a like" now took his place. I think I may have sen it happen, but there was this flashy light, and I cant seem to recall thing no good. SO like I was saying, as the chicken went into the ....barn...wait.......damn fllashy light...where was I....let me go back and read what I got so far....brb
Ok......She asks about color prefference twice more... I ask him twice........finally, I give the untimatum "TEll momma BLUE or BLACK NOW". I had no idea that this new alien lifeform had liguistic problems, and that "NOW" in alien tounge translates into "BANZAI !!"
Logan screams that he doesnt want pants, and spits at her. The pants get flung onto the floor, and tells him that he can have cold legs then. I order him up onto his bed for being mean and spitting at mommy. We both leave the room.
This is where yet another being takes control of my son...I came upstairs (to blog and escape), and I swear that 15 Shaolin Monks channeled their spirits thru my child. It sounded like a kung fu marathon happening right below my feet. After a few minutes, I went downstairs to see what the hell was goign on. My son (or what appeared to be him), had tears on his face, snot rolling down his noce, was speaking is some ancient language, the whole time while balanced between his bed and the babys "stand in it and bounce"toy....the whole time holding on with his hands and 1 foot...the other leg was twirling in the air, and crashing into the bed. He performed such powerful round house kicks that I stood there a minute..Instead of stopping him, I was watchign his hips to see how he got so much balance and power. I, for a moment, was jelous.
Finally calmed him down, and he started to beg for momma to come back in. She stepped in the room, and he went ape shit again!!
I left the room, escaped up here....and now convey this tragic tale of terror to you. If I remain very still, maybe they will forget....AW SHIT......he found me.
I shall miss you all.
THe childen awoke...first Lance...then Logan. I got Lance a new diaper, and Logan joined us on the floor. All seem to be normal enough. Even when the wife walked in to sit with us, the day felt normal.
UNTIL
We'll get to that...
The wife made everyone waffles, fresh from the Scooby doo head waffle griddle. NOW here's where the day gets weird. Im not sure if it was alien abdunction, twisted temperment, or something in those damn waffles, but about 2 hours later, that oldest son of mind done lost his friggin mind! It started after him and I were wrestling, while I was trying to get a new pair of underwear on him, and some pants. TUrns out the pants were actually his little brothers...so he had me there....so I grabbed some shorts and got em on em. He seemed content. THe wife walks in, and suggests pants.....so his legs dont get cold. Everyone is in long pants except Logan. I agree, thereby releasing the Djin from the bottle, the cat from the bag, and threw the shit directly into the proverbial fan.
The wife grabs 2 pair of sweatpants, and asks "Do you want the blue ones? Or the black ones?" She was too distracted by the search for the pants to observe that our son no longer stood before her....rather, a mutated, twisted "look a like" now took his place. I think I may have sen it happen, but there was this flashy light, and I cant seem to recall thing no good. SO like I was saying, as the chicken went into the ....barn...wait.......damn fllashy light...where was I....let me go back and read what I got so far....brb
Ok......She asks about color prefference twice more... I ask him twice........finally, I give the untimatum "TEll momma BLUE or BLACK NOW". I had no idea that this new alien lifeform had liguistic problems, and that "NOW" in alien tounge translates into "BANZAI !!"
Logan screams that he doesnt want pants, and spits at her. The pants get flung onto the floor, and tells him that he can have cold legs then. I order him up onto his bed for being mean and spitting at mommy. We both leave the room.
This is where yet another being takes control of my son...I came upstairs (to blog and escape), and I swear that 15 Shaolin Monks channeled their spirits thru my child. It sounded like a kung fu marathon happening right below my feet. After a few minutes, I went downstairs to see what the hell was goign on. My son (or what appeared to be him), had tears on his face, snot rolling down his noce, was speaking is some ancient language, the whole time while balanced between his bed and the babys "stand in it and bounce"toy....the whole time holding on with his hands and 1 foot...the other leg was twirling in the air, and crashing into the bed. He performed such powerful round house kicks that I stood there a minute..Instead of stopping him, I was watchign his hips to see how he got so much balance and power. I, for a moment, was jelous.
Finally calmed him down, and he started to beg for momma to come back in. She stepped in the room, and he went ape shit again!!
I left the room, escaped up here....and now convey this tragic tale of terror to you. If I remain very still, maybe they will forget....AW SHIT......he found me.
I shall miss you all.
posted by Darth Daddy @ 10/23/2005 11:59:00 AM
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