Face it, bitch - Im a better mommy than you are!
I came up with a shitload of titles for tonights blog. I want to share this story, because it can happen to any at-home dad, and this is the type of sexist bullshit that is mostly reserved for playgrounds. Ask any at home dad, and he can tell you a story of reverse gender based discrimination, by women, because we don't fit the society "image" of a primary caregiver.
Let me start by saying that I stayed calm throughout the entire process. I was (and still am ) raging inside over this. But, I had what has to be the best night of aikido sinc I joined, so I'm a bit calmer than I was ealier.
BACKGROUND: I have a 3yr old and an 18 month old. The younger is just starting to walk, but still mostly crawls. I wanted them to get better socialized, and learn social skills (unlike when they are with me and we all act like Klingons). Playgrounds and playplaces are fine, but they just haven't been cutting it lately. I think they older boy has progressed beyond the 3 minute social interaction, and I want him to learn to play nice with kids over a longer period of time. For financial and personal reasons, daycare is not an option.
For the last 3 months, I've been taking the kids (about 3 times a week) to the local YMCA. They have a childwatch program. The wife will sometimes put them in childwatch at night, when she works out, but I never actually "leave them" in the mornings. From 10am-12pm, the Childwatch program at the Chesapeake YMCA (Greenbriar parkway) has the gymnasium reserved. This allows them to take an overpopulation of kids out of a cramped playroom, and let them run all over the basketball indoor court. They have little flat scooters, balls, hoolahoops
- simple playthings for the kids. It's a cool deal. PLUS, with it being "reserved", adults can't go in there and play basketball. No fear of my kid getting wolluped in the face by a missed freethrow from some Jordan wannabe.
My younger, as I said above, it not yet 100% walking. This means that, if I checked them both into childwatch, Logan would get to go to the gym, and Lance would have to stay in the infant section. To make sure that Logan doesn't run amuck, and that Lance gets to play with the bigger kids (which he prefers- he screams if he's stuck with the babies), I've been staying with them in the gym. They've never asked me to "check in" the boys, so after clearing the front desk, we go directly to the gym. Logan grabs a balls and heads off for fun (and I can keep an eye on him the whole time), and I follow Lance (often times on my knees) as he crawls/walks around. Lance likes picking up the basketballs and throwing them. We've spent countless time lately playing "catch". *I should mention that, of course, other kids see this and want to play ball as well. Most times, they include Lance, and will roll the ball back and forth with him. So he's getting social interactions with kids as well*.
3 Months we've been doing this. One time, I overheard an older staff member saying how fortunate they were to have me in there, because they had so many kids, and I was able to occupy many of them by simply playing a BIG game of catch with them. AND, I should add, most of the daytime daycare watchers are worthless. They are young, and inexperienced, and have little to no interaction with the kids. They truly are child WATCH. That's all they do. Except when they try a few shots at the hoop. (I tell ya - just one rebound hits my kid, and I'll someones ass on a stick!) They cluster near each other, and talk. There are only 1 or 2 worth a damn. They are older 30/40 something year old black women. THEY will sit with the kids. I've seen them playing with the kids, singing songs, teaching letters/alphabet. They've done a wonderful job at not just babysitting the kids, but entertaining them while they educate them. My hats off to these 2 ladies.
Ok - enough background - today, the shit hit the fan.
We went to the Y, we signed in, and as we entered the gym, I was confronted by one of those younger shitheads I've mentioned above, and told that I had to go. The boys counld play, if I singed them into childwatch and brought them back (and them went away). The reasons?
I saw red! But I kept calm. I softly whispered to her that this was sexist bullshit, gathered the boys, and headed to the front desk. This is where it gets even fuckin funnier, as long as it's not YOU that it happens to.
The same lady that just talked to the boys before we went in looked suprised that we were coming back so soon. She asked if everything was ok. I told her that I needed to make a complaint. I explained that I was told I was not welcomed in the gym with my kids. She tell sme that the gym is reserved for childwatch and not open to the public during certain hours. I say "I KNOW that - that's why we are in there. I won't take my kids in there to play when adults are throwing around basketballs. One would hit my kid in the head or something. Get this - she says "Well, Im not sure if the kids are throwing baskeballs, but Im sure the childwatch people have that under control". HUH? WTF? Are we having two different conversations here? I almost break into Chris Tucker and yell "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTTA MY MOUTH?! When I tell her that the kids are no throwin the balls, the adults would be, and that is why we prefer the childwatch time, she breaks out a friggin monthly schedule and tries to show me where it says that the gym isn't open to basketball playing members during the "childwatch hours". NO FUCKIN SHIT, LADY! GODAMMIT! IM SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES!
She asks me if I want a comment card. I said "Yes - and I want someone to talk to. This isn't a postit note kinda thing". She says she'll see what she can do.
She disapears, and returns to feed me the following line of shit
"You see, you're not allowed in there because:
We wait, and out from the back come a heavy set gentleman, who introduced himself. I start of with "Before we begin, can you please tell me what your status/station/position is here. Because so far everyone has been trying to whitewash this problem with smiles and rainbows, and I want to know Im talking to someone who can make an impact on this issue".
I explain my situation, and after listening, he tells me that I can stay in there, at least with Lance, if not with both kids. I tell him "Wonderful - you are now arguing MY argument for me. We sagree on this, but I'm being prohibited. What can we do together to remedy this situation?"
(I am so fucking proud of me for not only staying calm through this - and not swearing! - but also because I was able to keep Logan busy without doing the typical attention getting stuff (that is so wrong) - like, when he said "Dad - I want to go play basketball", I said " Just a few minutes more, honey. I've got to talk with someone, and you will.
Logan: I want you to play with me.
Me: Not sure about that - have to talk it over with someone, but Im sure they will let You play basketball regardless.
The reason I mention the above conversation is I've seen (tv and first hand) how some parents would have said the following:
Me: SORRY! I cant play with you . They said I cant play with you any more. Maybe you should ask them by daddy is a bad guy, and they won't let us play together anymore.
People who do this piss me off. They speak loudly, so everyone can hear them, and end up putting undue stress on the child, who not only isn't the problem, but has absolutely no control over the outcome. Dumb ass people. I swear.
Back to my story.
The guy suggest that we go have talk with the lady who is the head of the Child Watch program. So we take a walk down the hallway, he asks her to come out, and we chat. He gives her the cliffnotes on my problem, I fill in a few points of importance here and the there, and it ends with her saying :
As we concluded, they asked "Are you going back to the gym? Or are you done today bcasue of this?" I explained that while I was WAY done with the place because of this problem (even though it was decided in my favor), our trip wasn't about ME, it was about the boys, and they still wanted to play with the kids. My feelings are secondary to their needs. (yeay ME!)
So they escorted us back to the gym, opened the door, and said really loud "Here you go - go on in and play, have a good time". Immediately, the staff flocked to her like she was handing out raises. Exspecially that mexican amazon bitch (that I've never liked because of her crude attitude with the kids - she'll toss a ball against the wall, and then yell at the kids who see it, and do it with her - She alone has been a deciding factor in my decision not to just dump my kids off and leave. I should say that the evening staff is much nicer - young still, but more childfriendly and responsible)
I sent Logan off to play with some kids, and followed Lance as he walked/crawled around. I gave the staff a few minutes to raise hell with the main lady and the guy, and mosied (is that a real word - mOwsied?) over to stick it to them one last time.
FLASH BACK TO YESTERDAY: The kids had linked 4 or 5 of those square scooter thingies, and I scooted them around the floor, while we all made train sounds. Logan and Lance were aboard. During that time, the staff sat on a side bench and did NOTHING.
Back to today: I approach the group and ask what prompted this? Did the staff have a problem with me? What did I do?
Amazon starts of by saying that parents see Im not a staff member, and are concerned that Im near their kids. She says she would have explained that if I hadn't of stormed out of there. (Mind you, I kept my cool when leaving, didn't get huffy, nor puffy, not threatened to blow anyones house down.
I countered with "Well, after being refused access, and told to leave, I'd hardly consider collecting my kids , not making a scene, and leaving as "storming", but I guess that's up to interpretation. WHat "d also like to ask is what level of interaction with the kids have I done that you consider innapropriate? Yesterday, for example (here it comes!), when i was on my knees pushing the scooters around like a train, and all you staff kids just sat on the bench doing nothing - was that something that you should have been doign instead of me? (ZING!!)"
I made nice with the childwatch people, superfician as it may be, because the boys like/want/enjoy/need to be able to play there. Im sure that there will come a time soon, when I can leave them, and have some time to myself. But right now, I don't need it. I get my ME time at night, when I go to aikido. (Gender dig approaching) - Im not one of those non-working child unfriendly bitches that joines the Y, dumps off my kids at childwatch, and never checks back on them until their ME time is over.
Some may argue that me and my kids have a bit of a dependancy issue. Perhaps. We enjoy each other. Logan likes to play with me, and with Lance. If I was to drop of Logan to play without me, he'd throw a fit for about 5 mintues, then be as right as rain (I tried ot once). Lance stayed more upset about the seperation - not sure if it was because of seperation anxiety from ME or because they seperated him from his brother (and put him in the baby area, whcih has no view of the big kid area). I have an opportunity that Im going to milk for all it's worth - the oppourtunity to bond with my kids.
I've often said that kids on playgrounds respond over-favorably to me, and I think it's because their own dad (or even both parents) don't give them enough attention. Taking your kids TO the playground, and actually PLAYING with them are two different things. Talk WITH your kids, even if they only say "da" and Ga" and "Girl" (like Lance).
I hope and dream that the time I invest with my kids will pay off in divdends over time. Like when they get older and have a greater sense of self - like when they grow up and always feel they can talk to me - like when they have kids, and raise them with love - and get to see their own kids do the same.
Today, in the grand scheme of things at the YMCA, was probably just a small ripple, and a diverted potencial of negative publicity.
But to me,
it was a TRIUMPH !
Let me start by saying that I stayed calm throughout the entire process. I was (and still am ) raging inside over this. But, I had what has to be the best night of aikido sinc I joined, so I'm a bit calmer than I was ealier.
BACKGROUND: I have a 3yr old and an 18 month old. The younger is just starting to walk, but still mostly crawls. I wanted them to get better socialized, and learn social skills (unlike when they are with me and we all act like Klingons). Playgrounds and playplaces are fine, but they just haven't been cutting it lately. I think they older boy has progressed beyond the 3 minute social interaction, and I want him to learn to play nice with kids over a longer period of time. For financial and personal reasons, daycare is not an option.
For the last 3 months, I've been taking the kids (about 3 times a week) to the local YMCA. They have a childwatch program. The wife will sometimes put them in childwatch at night, when she works out, but I never actually "leave them" in the mornings. From 10am-12pm, the Childwatch program at the Chesapeake YMCA (Greenbriar parkway) has the gymnasium reserved. This allows them to take an overpopulation of kids out of a cramped playroom, and let them run all over the basketball indoor court. They have little flat scooters, balls, hoolahoops
- simple playthings for the kids. It's a cool deal. PLUS, with it being "reserved", adults can't go in there and play basketball. No fear of my kid getting wolluped in the face by a missed freethrow from some Jordan wannabe.
My younger, as I said above, it not yet 100% walking. This means that, if I checked them both into childwatch, Logan would get to go to the gym, and Lance would have to stay in the infant section. To make sure that Logan doesn't run amuck, and that Lance gets to play with the bigger kids (which he prefers- he screams if he's stuck with the babies), I've been staying with them in the gym. They've never asked me to "check in" the boys, so after clearing the front desk, we go directly to the gym. Logan grabs a balls and heads off for fun (and I can keep an eye on him the whole time), and I follow Lance (often times on my knees) as he crawls/walks around. Lance likes picking up the basketballs and throwing them. We've spent countless time lately playing "catch". *I should mention that, of course, other kids see this and want to play ball as well. Most times, they include Lance, and will roll the ball back and forth with him. So he's getting social interactions with kids as well*.
3 Months we've been doing this. One time, I overheard an older staff member saying how fortunate they were to have me in there, because they had so many kids, and I was able to occupy many of them by simply playing a BIG game of catch with them. AND, I should add, most of the daytime daycare watchers are worthless. They are young, and inexperienced, and have little to no interaction with the kids. They truly are child WATCH. That's all they do. Except when they try a few shots at the hoop. (I tell ya - just one rebound hits my kid, and I'll someones ass on a stick!) They cluster near each other, and talk. There are only 1 or 2 worth a damn. They are older 30/40 something year old black women. THEY will sit with the kids. I've seen them playing with the kids, singing songs, teaching letters/alphabet. They've done a wonderful job at not just babysitting the kids, but entertaining them while they educate them. My hats off to these 2 ladies.
Ok - enough background - today, the shit hit the fan.
We went to the Y, we signed in, and as we entered the gym, I was confronted by one of those younger shitheads I've mentioned above, and told that I had to go. The boys counld play, if I singed them into childwatch and brought them back (and them went away). The reasons?
- The gym was reserved for childwatch. She offered to provide me with a schedule to prove that.
- There are no other parents that stay in there, so only staff members should be in there
- There have been members complaining about my being in there.
I saw red! But I kept calm. I softly whispered to her that this was sexist bullshit, gathered the boys, and headed to the front desk. This is where it gets even fuckin funnier, as long as it's not YOU that it happens to.
The same lady that just talked to the boys before we went in looked suprised that we were coming back so soon. She asked if everything was ok. I told her that I needed to make a complaint. I explained that I was told I was not welcomed in the gym with my kids. She tell sme that the gym is reserved for childwatch and not open to the public during certain hours. I say "I KNOW that - that's why we are in there. I won't take my kids in there to play when adults are throwing around basketballs. One would hit my kid in the head or something. Get this - she says "Well, Im not sure if the kids are throwing baskeballs, but Im sure the childwatch people have that under control". HUH? WTF? Are we having two different conversations here? I almost break into Chris Tucker and yell "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTTA MY MOUTH?! When I tell her that the kids are no throwin the balls, the adults would be, and that is why we prefer the childwatch time, she breaks out a friggin monthly schedule and tries to show me where it says that the gym isn't open to basketball playing members during the "childwatch hours". NO FUCKIN SHIT, LADY! GODAMMIT! IM SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES!
She asks me if I want a comment card. I said "Yes - and I want someone to talk to. This isn't a postit note kinda thing". She says she'll see what she can do.
She disapears, and returns to feed me the following line of shit
"You see, you're not allowed in there because:
- Other parents see that you aren't a staff member, and have questioned why you are allowed in there
- They even tried to tell me that it wasn't only women who made complaints - which I knew was horshit. 99% of the "parents" (they always said the non-gendered term PARENTS, and never "moms") utilizing the childwatch program before the hour of 4pm are female. So she told me that it wasn't due to my gender.
- Get this: The staff members are qualified in childcare, and CPR, and other related certifications. I got no fucking idea what this has to do with anything. I HOPE they do, but it was a non-related fact.
We wait, and out from the back come a heavy set gentleman, who introduced himself. I start of with "Before we begin, can you please tell me what your status/station/position is here. Because so far everyone has been trying to whitewash this problem with smiles and rainbows, and I want to know Im talking to someone who can make an impact on this issue".
I explain my situation, and after listening, he tells me that I can stay in there, at least with Lance, if not with both kids. I tell him "Wonderful - you are now arguing MY argument for me. We sagree on this, but I'm being prohibited. What can we do together to remedy this situation?"
(I am so fucking proud of me for not only staying calm through this - and not swearing! - but also because I was able to keep Logan busy without doing the typical attention getting stuff (that is so wrong) - like, when he said "Dad - I want to go play basketball", I said " Just a few minutes more, honey. I've got to talk with someone, and you will.
Logan: I want you to play with me.
Me: Not sure about that - have to talk it over with someone, but Im sure they will let You play basketball regardless.
The reason I mention the above conversation is I've seen (tv and first hand) how some parents would have said the following:
Me: SORRY! I cant play with you . They said I cant play with you any more. Maybe you should ask them by daddy is a bad guy, and they won't let us play together anymore.
People who do this piss me off. They speak loudly, so everyone can hear them, and end up putting undue stress on the child, who not only isn't the problem, but has absolutely no control over the outcome. Dumb ass people. I swear.
Back to my story.
The guy suggest that we go have talk with the lady who is the head of the Child Watch program. So we take a walk down the hallway, he asks her to come out, and we chat. He gives her the cliffnotes on my problem, I fill in a few points of importance here and the there, and it ends with her saying :
- ANY parent, regardless of gender, are allowed access to the room that their children are in.
- I (me) have the right to observe, interact, play with - my children in the gym , even if the childwatch is occupying it.
- She's seen me in the gym before (this was a suprise for me - I don't recall seeing her before - and she was short, cute, and blond - so I'D REMEMBER!), and she thinks that I'm doing a commendable job with the boys.
- Any complaints from staff members, parents, or even the children, should have been brought to HER attention (as head of child watch services).
- In short, the staff had no right to uninvite me. (hurray!)
As we concluded, they asked "Are you going back to the gym? Or are you done today bcasue of this?" I explained that while I was WAY done with the place because of this problem (even though it was decided in my favor), our trip wasn't about ME, it was about the boys, and they still wanted to play with the kids. My feelings are secondary to their needs. (yeay ME!)
So they escorted us back to the gym, opened the door, and said really loud "Here you go - go on in and play, have a good time". Immediately, the staff flocked to her like she was handing out raises. Exspecially that mexican amazon bitch (that I've never liked because of her crude attitude with the kids - she'll toss a ball against the wall, and then yell at the kids who see it, and do it with her - She alone has been a deciding factor in my decision not to just dump my kids off and leave. I should say that the evening staff is much nicer - young still, but more childfriendly and responsible)
I sent Logan off to play with some kids, and followed Lance as he walked/crawled around. I gave the staff a few minutes to raise hell with the main lady and the guy, and mosied (is that a real word - mOwsied?) over to stick it to them one last time.
FLASH BACK TO YESTERDAY: The kids had linked 4 or 5 of those square scooter thingies, and I scooted them around the floor, while we all made train sounds. Logan and Lance were aboard. During that time, the staff sat on a side bench and did NOTHING.
Back to today: I approach the group and ask what prompted this? Did the staff have a problem with me? What did I do?
Amazon starts of by saying that parents see Im not a staff member, and are concerned that Im near their kids. She says she would have explained that if I hadn't of stormed out of there. (Mind you, I kept my cool when leaving, didn't get huffy, nor puffy, not threatened to blow anyones house down.
I countered with "Well, after being refused access, and told to leave, I'd hardly consider collecting my kids , not making a scene, and leaving as "storming", but I guess that's up to interpretation. WHat "d also like to ask is what level of interaction with the kids have I done that you consider innapropriate? Yesterday, for example (here it comes!), when i was on my knees pushing the scooters around like a train, and all you staff kids just sat on the bench doing nothing - was that something that you should have been doign instead of me? (ZING!!)"
I made nice with the childwatch people, superfician as it may be, because the boys like/want/enjoy/need to be able to play there. Im sure that there will come a time soon, when I can leave them, and have some time to myself. But right now, I don't need it. I get my ME time at night, when I go to aikido. (Gender dig approaching) - Im not one of those non-working child unfriendly bitches that joines the Y, dumps off my kids at childwatch, and never checks back on them until their ME time is over.
Some may argue that me and my kids have a bit of a dependancy issue. Perhaps. We enjoy each other. Logan likes to play with me, and with Lance. If I was to drop of Logan to play without me, he'd throw a fit for about 5 mintues, then be as right as rain (I tried ot once). Lance stayed more upset about the seperation - not sure if it was because of seperation anxiety from ME or because they seperated him from his brother (and put him in the baby area, whcih has no view of the big kid area). I have an opportunity that Im going to milk for all it's worth - the oppourtunity to bond with my kids.
I've often said that kids on playgrounds respond over-favorably to me, and I think it's because their own dad (or even both parents) don't give them enough attention. Taking your kids TO the playground, and actually PLAYING with them are two different things. Talk WITH your kids, even if they only say "da" and Ga" and "Girl" (like Lance).
I hope and dream that the time I invest with my kids will pay off in divdends over time. Like when they get older and have a greater sense of self - like when they grow up and always feel they can talk to me - like when they have kids, and raise them with love - and get to see their own kids do the same.
Today, in the grand scheme of things at the YMCA, was probably just a small ripple, and a diverted potencial of negative publicity.
But to me,
it was a TRIUMPH !
posted by Darth Daddy @ 3/30/2006 10:07:00 PM
2 Comments:
At 8:52 AM,
jen said…
Good for you, Shannon! That's ridiculous. I'm glad you and the boys can continue to play.
At 4:19 PM,
Oda Daddy said…
Congratulations! One small step...
-OD
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