Adventures of Darth Daddy

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Message from the dead

Ok - not the actual dead - from the " dead to me" department.

Lat month, I received a raher stange phone call. It was from someone looking for me. At first, I thought it was a bill collector, and almost hung up. But when I asked why they were looking for this person (me), I got an unexpected response..

Turns out my bio father, (estranged for almost 20 year now), was in trouble with the county for having a messy yard. He was told to get i tclean, and a community group was trying to help him get it all straight. One of them decided to play social worker, and ended up discussing his family - me. He told her that he had lost touch, and wondered if she might be able to find me on the internet.

Mind you, he is very tight with his own mother, and she's had our mailing address (from Xmas cards) for 6 years now.

I gave the lady on the phone permission to give him my address (which he shoudl already have had, or had access to), and figured that'd be the end of it.

Then, a week or two later, cards came. One for each of the boys, and one to me (and my wife).

This is where it gets confusing. The one to me (and the wife) seemed pleasant enough. Lot of hints at self pity, and subtle hidden agendas, but nothing terrible. The one to Logan seemed nice. But the one to Lance struck a nerve. Wording like "Sorry I don't know your name . Maybe someday I can get a picture of you?!" Im reading this going "who the hell is he trying to intimidate? My 2 year old? You want photos, asshole, you talk to the big man - not try a guilt trip on a 2 year old".

I shoudld mention that all 3 cards had NO return address on them. Only a phone number in the one to me. This brings to mind Sun Tsu (The Art of War). Something like "he who can decide the location of victory has an advantage". By not putting a return address on, he's trying to force a phone call. I figure he feels he'll have an advantage over the phone, have a better time at sidestepping issues, and be better able to manipulate the conversation. And perhaps he might. But, if I choose to respond, it will be in a method of my choosing, and it will be in writting.

Im actually suprised to have even gotten the cards. The story I was told goes like this...
This community group is trying to help him clean up his property. He's walking thru it deciding what to scrap and what to keep. There was a small fishing boat that he wanted to keep, and told the lady "I hope to one day take my grandkids out fishign on that boat".

Two things came to mind:

Number one: One time, he was very in the rears with is child support. My mother took him to court (and this was back in the late 70's, when the courts didn't give a shit about enforcing child support). He had a motorcycle, and the judge threatened to take it from him. He beg and pleaded that the bike was old and worthless, and barely worth $1,500. The judge let him keep it, and was they walked out of court, the doors of the court room weren't closed yet, as he turned to my mother and laughed "$1,500 wouldn't even touch the chrome of that bike!"

Number two: He'd be better off getting a blow torch and a seat warmer, cause if he ever takes my boys fishing , it'll be ice fishing. Cause it's gonna be a very cold day in hell.


  • At 3:16 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    My dad did something similar this Christmas. He sent two cards, one to each of my kids... Nothing to me and my wife.

    In each card he wrote, "Have a Merry Christmas, Love Grandpa Joe and Judy...

    P.S. Have your dad call!"

    See, this is how he puts it on ME, that somehow I'm the bad guy who is keeping them from having a relationship with their wonderful loving grandfather. I just said, "F you" and threw the cards in the garbage. My kids don't need to see that crap. They know about him, and I've told my son that he basically walked out on his family when I was a kid. I don't hate the guy, I just don't care anymore.

  • At 9:17 AM, Blogger Angel said…

    My husband's parents are the same way. He's the oldest of 8 kids and his mother has been playing puppet master to pit one versus the other. The shocker to her is that most of them are adults now and...*gasp* have a brain. Now they talk to each other and see what she was doing. Now her lies are seen. She likes to make the kids the 'bad guys' and then guilt us.

    Now they are losing their house after living in it for over 2 years not paying their mortgage, how does that happen? Not only that it's a sh*t hole. Our house is new and we take care of it. Once his dad said, "you'd have more money if you quit putting it into your house." I wanted to say, "I'd have a hell of a lot of money if I didn't pay my mortgage either but eventually I wouldn't have a house." Now they wonder why we don't go to their rats nest of an unpaid for house. ohhhh don't get me started.

    Good luck with that. Don't fall into the trap and it's a dirty underhanded person that writes that in a childs card of any age. His beef and issues are with you. If he never got to know you why does he think he should know them.

  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger Oda Daddy said…

    What's up with SAHD's having crappy fathers? My father has never met his almost 2-yr-old granddaughter. Doesn't bother to call and puts me down as a ref. when he goes out to borrow money. So I get the calls when he doesn't pay them back.

    I say your father needs to grow up and be a man, just like some others that I know. Stick to your guns DD.


  • At 9:34 PM, Blogger Mike said…

    I wnat to go on the record as saying I have an awesome dad. He owns his house outright, married my mom almost 50 years aga and they sleep in the same bed. And he treats his grandkids and their parents like gold.

    I just wanted to brag a little.

    Sorry your old man like to play mind games.

  • At 10:40 PM, Blogger Angel said…

    Darth Dad & Mike,

    Just for the record I too have a great dad (my last post was about hubby's parents.) My parents are celebrating their 40th anniv. and is a very giving wonderful man.

    Darth Dad, I'm sorry he had to be so absent and difficult. But the wonderful news is that you aren't him and you are doing good!


Post a Comment

<< Home

Site Meter