Down the path to the dark side
Ever have one of those days that, about half way thru, you sat back and thought ot yourself "It just wasnt worth it for me to get out of bed today"? Today was like that for me.
We've really been having a problem with Logan lately. He seems to be having temper issues. AS well as simply not listening to what we say.
EX: Yesterday was a farily warm day. And dry. I wanted to go to the zoo for a short time, or at least to a local mall . Figured it'd get the kids out of the house, and let them run around a bit. Talked to Logan about going to the mall or zoo, and he was all excited. Started gettign ready - shirts on - pants on - socks on - and then we get to shoes. I had already had a bit of an issue regarding his havin got wear pants, but he flat out refused to wear shoes. When I explained that he cant go without shoes, he through a full blown temper tantrum - told me that making him wear shoes was a "Big no no", and threw his shoes at me. After a few minutes of this battle, I decided that it wasnt worth it, and took off my coat and shoes. Seeing this, he asked ME to put MY shoes on. I told him that the trip was off. No mall - no zoo - no Chickfila. We woudl stay home, and I would make them lunch from the kitchen. THis was the end of the world for him - and he threw a tantrum of epic proportion. Poor Lance didn't have a clue about what was happening.
Today, after being told NOT to turn the tv volume all the way up (and his yelling that he had "big ears" and would turn the volume up if he wanted to), he blew a circuit. Rather than yell at him about the volume thing, I turned the tv off. About this time, Lance was crawling by - so Logan picked up a piece of cardboard and started smacking him on the head with it. I had him in one hand and the cardboard in the other before I really knew that I had moved at all.
Logan spent most of the mourning in him room, alone , while Lance and I napped in the living room. I'd check on Logan from time to time, and he would be either playing with toys, or watching cartoon - but calm and nice as could be. After a few hours, I felt bad about his self imposed exile, and went into his room. He was fine , and we talked and played for about 15 minutes, before somethign set him off again, and I tol dhim if he was going to be mean, he could play alone. And he did. For another hours or 2 until the wife got home.
I really don't know what is going on with him. If this is a stage he is going through. If allowing him to watch The Karate Kid and Rush Hour is now coming back to bite me in the ass, or what. There are times when he wakes up at night somewhat crying, and kicking. Not wildly (uncontrolably), but like he is very angry. He is too young to be acting this angry. He is in no competition for attention. If anything, he gets MORE attention thatn his baby brother does (another point of discussion for a later time).
I know all about the terrible 2's, and that they can extend well into 3 and 4 years old, but this seems different. And of course, as a worried parent, when he does this, I start thinking of the BIGGER picture - did I cause this? Is this something that will effect him forever? Is there something that I could be doing differently that would better manager these fits?
I've sometiems watched those tv cable medical shows where they have a child with a disorder/disease, and the parents start off by saying "He was a perfectly normal 4 years old -and then BAM, this just came out of nowhere". I fear these things.
Im really not in a happy place now. I had such a tight bonding with Logan, becasue he was the first born. I was able to devote all my time to him - playing ,learning, even just cuddling. Now, at times, theres a different child in his place. And to make matters worse, whether he's beign good or bad, I'm just not getting to spend the same kind of "one on one" time with Lance as I did Logan. Lance is progressing (developmentally) at a very normal pace - no deficiancies or delays. I feel bad abou tthis though - I wonder how much more advanced Lance would be if I was able to give him the same attention that Logan had the benefit of. At the same time, I'm worried that Im losing control of my more advanced child. Ok - losing control is not what I meant - hes not walking all over me. It's just that I've always said that children reflect back what they see in the parent. I just don't see where Logan has seen rage and anger in me so much that he is reflecting it. I'm open to the introspection of it. I've started to watch myself very carfully - seeing what happens when I get frustrated - or angry - to see if he may be modeling me - or picking up cues from my actions of words. I admit, I lose it form time to time. After telling him to put a stick down 6 times, and then watching him his his brother with it, I've been known to take the stick and fling it out the front door while yelling a bit more than I should have. I'm Logan's protector - but Im also Lance's protector too. I can only imagine the impact that a mean abusive brother can have on a 1 yr old.
Allow me to clarify to the court the last statement. Logan is a wonderful big brother. He is protective over Lance when we are at playground, or with other chidlren. He often will take things away from baby (like batteries) when baby is trying to put them in him mouth. Logan will remove th eitem, and tell Lance that it's a "big no no" to put things in him mouth. He will mandomly go up to Lance and give him a big hhug and a kiss, for no reason, and withouth prompting. On the other hand, he recently (as Lance has becoem more mobile) has become more physical with Lance. When the baby is trying to climb up on the bed, Logan will push the baby from above - not realizing that the baby could fall backwards and hurt himself. We've seen a few times of intensional infliction of hard (like hitting him on the head with cardboard - softly kicking him after the baby bit him on the arm) where Logan has seemed to lash out in anger. Thank God non e of these times have ever been with malice - or resulted in any damage other than a crying baby and a freaked out dada.
Tomorrow, Logan has a playdate with the MIL. That'll give Lance and I some time to ourselves. Maybe I'll see if either she'll take Lance next week - or if my mom would come over to watch Lance for a few hours, and have me take Logan out by ourselves. I don't think that one on one time with Logan is what he is missing (the absent key that will unlock his GOOD nature), but it sure won't hurt either.
If any needs me, I'll be hanging in here.......
We've really been having a problem with Logan lately. He seems to be having temper issues. AS well as simply not listening to what we say.
EX: Yesterday was a farily warm day. And dry. I wanted to go to the zoo for a short time, or at least to a local mall . Figured it'd get the kids out of the house, and let them run around a bit. Talked to Logan about going to the mall or zoo, and he was all excited. Started gettign ready - shirts on - pants on - socks on - and then we get to shoes. I had already had a bit of an issue regarding his havin got wear pants, but he flat out refused to wear shoes. When I explained that he cant go without shoes, he through a full blown temper tantrum - told me that making him wear shoes was a "Big no no", and threw his shoes at me. After a few minutes of this battle, I decided that it wasnt worth it, and took off my coat and shoes. Seeing this, he asked ME to put MY shoes on. I told him that the trip was off. No mall - no zoo - no Chickfila. We woudl stay home, and I would make them lunch from the kitchen. THis was the end of the world for him - and he threw a tantrum of epic proportion. Poor Lance didn't have a clue about what was happening.
Today, after being told NOT to turn the tv volume all the way up (and his yelling that he had "big ears" and would turn the volume up if he wanted to), he blew a circuit. Rather than yell at him about the volume thing, I turned the tv off. About this time, Lance was crawling by - so Logan picked up a piece of cardboard and started smacking him on the head with it. I had him in one hand and the cardboard in the other before I really knew that I had moved at all.
Logan spent most of the mourning in him room, alone , while Lance and I napped in the living room. I'd check on Logan from time to time, and he would be either playing with toys, or watching cartoon - but calm and nice as could be. After a few hours, I felt bad about his self imposed exile, and went into his room. He was fine , and we talked and played for about 15 minutes, before somethign set him off again, and I tol dhim if he was going to be mean, he could play alone. And he did. For another hours or 2 until the wife got home.
I really don't know what is going on with him. If this is a stage he is going through. If allowing him to watch The Karate Kid and Rush Hour is now coming back to bite me in the ass, or what. There are times when he wakes up at night somewhat crying, and kicking. Not wildly (uncontrolably), but like he is very angry. He is too young to be acting this angry. He is in no competition for attention. If anything, he gets MORE attention thatn his baby brother does (another point of discussion for a later time).
I know all about the terrible 2's, and that they can extend well into 3 and 4 years old, but this seems different. And of course, as a worried parent, when he does this, I start thinking of the BIGGER picture - did I cause this? Is this something that will effect him forever? Is there something that I could be doing differently that would better manager these fits?
I've sometiems watched those tv cable medical shows where they have a child with a disorder/disease, and the parents start off by saying "He was a perfectly normal 4 years old -and then BAM, this just came out of nowhere". I fear these things.
Im really not in a happy place now. I had such a tight bonding with Logan, becasue he was the first born. I was able to devote all my time to him - playing ,learning, even just cuddling. Now, at times, theres a different child in his place. And to make matters worse, whether he's beign good or bad, I'm just not getting to spend the same kind of "one on one" time with Lance as I did Logan. Lance is progressing (developmentally) at a very normal pace - no deficiancies or delays. I feel bad abou tthis though - I wonder how much more advanced Lance would be if I was able to give him the same attention that Logan had the benefit of. At the same time, I'm worried that Im losing control of my more advanced child. Ok - losing control is not what I meant - hes not walking all over me. It's just that I've always said that children reflect back what they see in the parent. I just don't see where Logan has seen rage and anger in me so much that he is reflecting it. I'm open to the introspection of it. I've started to watch myself very carfully - seeing what happens when I get frustrated - or angry - to see if he may be modeling me - or picking up cues from my actions of words. I admit, I lose it form time to time. After telling him to put a stick down 6 times, and then watching him his his brother with it, I've been known to take the stick and fling it out the front door while yelling a bit more than I should have. I'm Logan's protector - but Im also Lance's protector too. I can only imagine the impact that a mean abusive brother can have on a 1 yr old.
Allow me to clarify to the court the last statement. Logan is a wonderful big brother. He is protective over Lance when we are at playground, or with other chidlren. He often will take things away from baby (like batteries) when baby is trying to put them in him mouth. Logan will remove th eitem, and tell Lance that it's a "big no no" to put things in him mouth. He will mandomly go up to Lance and give him a big hhug and a kiss, for no reason, and withouth prompting. On the other hand, he recently (as Lance has becoem more mobile) has become more physical with Lance. When the baby is trying to climb up on the bed, Logan will push the baby from above - not realizing that the baby could fall backwards and hurt himself. We've seen a few times of intensional infliction of hard (like hitting him on the head with cardboard - softly kicking him after the baby bit him on the arm) where Logan has seemed to lash out in anger. Thank God non e of these times have ever been with malice - or resulted in any damage other than a crying baby and a freaked out dada.
Tomorrow, Logan has a playdate with the MIL. That'll give Lance and I some time to ourselves. Maybe I'll see if either she'll take Lance next week - or if my mom would come over to watch Lance for a few hours, and have me take Logan out by ourselves. I don't think that one on one time with Logan is what he is missing (the absent key that will unlock his GOOD nature), but it sure won't hurt either.
If any needs me, I'll be hanging in here.......
posted by Darth Daddy @ 1/31/2006 10:12:00 PM
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