Adventures of Darth Daddy

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Pardon me - anyone seen my patience?

Holy hell - today was right out of the pages of "how to be a horrible parent". The wife had off today (cause of the snow) , and she wanted to take a load of laundry over to her folks house (Our laundry pipe is frozen). She was willing to take us all with her, but Logan threw a fit, and I figured he and I woudl just stay home. Big mistake. She took Lance with her, leaving me with the creature. It was the beasts naptime, so I proceeded to put him down for his nap. 30 minutes later, I finally got him to go to sleep. But while he slept, a strange metamorphasis took place. Unknown to me, I believe the child was exposed to gamma radiation (ref: David Banner), and upon waking, as the light of day hit his eyes, all the adorableness tranformed into rage and distorted concepts of "How to make daddy proud of me". I noticed that he was a bit cranky after waking, so I just held him for a while. Then I suggested (had this planned) we go get somethign to eat. I had managed to squrounge up $3.50 in change (Im still horribly broke from lack of work), and found a coupon for a free kids meal. He wanted none of this. He didn't want to go out - he didnt want to stay home. Jacket? HA - I could ram that right where my son don't shine. So this led to a 30 minute struggle, during which I managed to pin the poor child using a police hold I leanred, wrap him up in his coat, and carry him over my shoulder to the awaiting carseat. We travel to the resteraunt - have a pleasant meal - he is in good spirits. The shit hit the fan when I said it was time to go, and we hadn't played in the playplace yet. What the hell was I thinking? So- after calming him down, we played for a bit. The thing is, we both have these really nice (and very new) jackets. The playplace is 3 tiers, and I always help him up , not only to make sure he don't get hurt, but just cause it's plain fun. So, we abandon our coats and shoes, and play for a while. When I said it was time go, he refused to leave the second tier. The only options at level 2 are to coem back down the crawlway (dangerous for his age) or go up to the 3rd floor and down the slide. He finally slid, then ran back UP the slide. I chased, having fun at this point. He ran all the way up that damn slide, back to the third level. THEN, refused to go back down the slide. A little girl joined us, and (this is rather smart, but still pissed me off) using the girl as a barrier, he raced past her, and down the slide. The little girl went second, and was a pain - she was in the way , and went down very slow. I get to the bottom, and there's no Logan. I race out of the playplace into the store, and he's 4 booths away, crawling, and barking at the customers. I was livid!! I said things in my head that would have made even me blush - until I noticed that I really said them outloud (oops). (I should mention that the slide goes from the 3rd floor to the 1st - and that the 2nd and 3rd levels are crawl space sized for an adult of my size.) Back in the playplace we go - lwhich leads us to our next Roudn of Mortal Combat - titled " Time to put your coat back on." Again, what the hell was I thinking?
I was so fed up at this point, that I stuck him in the truck, and drove him to mother - who was (much to my dismay) no longer at the inlwas. SHIT! Now Im half way across the world from home, low on gas, and am just in time for rush hour traffic. DOUBLE SHIT! We drove home, I dropped him off, and spent the next 30 minutes out in the driveway cooling off. When I fianlly came in, he was back to normal. Well, normal for him. Smiling, perky, wanting to play----and I was sooo done. I held Lance for a while, filled in the wife as to how close there came to being a great disturbance in the Force today, and tried to pretend that all that shit had just happened to someone else. My mom stopped by to visit, and then it was off to kung fu for me. Another fiasco.

I get to the dojo, and no sifu present. Assistant KF guy was there. Kreese is there, and only 1 adult student, who is just practicing on the mat. He said that he was giving Kreese a ride home. Kreese is the only one with the keys to lock the place up. So if sifu dont show, we get booted out. I was gettign pissed. Then, as Kreese was about ready to ask us to bpack it in, TADA - Sifu arrives. The class was cool for a change - just us 3 guys. Then, somethign happened that amazed me. Sifu has often showed how karate is limited, and kung fu isn't. But tonight, while we were practicing foot movements, he decided to throw down on how I move - crescent steps. Half moon stpes they are sometimes called. A long discussion ensues, during which he overexaggerates how you bob up and down when using that moon stpes, and how KF steppign forward is soo much better. I see the merits of what he is teaching, but his example was shitty. The asistant starts ramblign on, like he's testifying - which made it 2 to 1 (me being the 1). So I stod my ground, and tried to explain my position - and it was like talking to a wall. I've had karate teachers , when asked " How about this way?" will say "Oh no - cause I'd (as an attacker) do this to you if you did." Meaning that there was only their "correct " way to do things - Sifu has often critisized this, and told us that there is more than one way to do things. But aparently, this does not apply to moving your feet. At least flirty girl and the kiddies weren't there.

It's starting to snow again - it's a small chance, but skools may be closed tomorrow. If they aren't, the wife may be home early anyways - she had a mourning Dr appt., and may come home afterwards. I sure hope tomorrow is nothign like today way...I hope I hope I HOPE!!


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