Adventures of Darth Daddy

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Laundry god, Bad food day, and my mother

LAUNDRY god

I'll start off with an update on the laundry. Before I screwed the pooch and flooded the garage, I should say that I actually DID measure the distance needed, AND bought more than enough pvc pipe. I was just in a hurry to test it, and didn't feel like breakign out the saw to cut a 4 ft section from the 10 pipe. I tried to hook up a makeshift connection using old plastic laundry hoses (something that ended up lookign like Maguiver would have told me to give it up), and in the process, disconnected the hose from the bottom of the washer. In the end, I cut that damn connector hose, and secured the hell out of it, ensuring (I hope) no more floods. If the flood hadn't have happened, it may have happened another day and done more damage.

Since getting off my lazy ass and cutting the 4 ft connector piece, I now am able to do laundry. The waster goes around the garage (IN the pipes), and out to the sewer. And with all the extra screws I used to secure the chasis to the base, it it a work of art. I've been washing load after load since yesterday! Spin cycle is hardly noticible! It's like a demon has been expelled from the garage. (Also, it's the only place I can hide from the family). I am now wishign I had 2 dryers, cause I'm washing so much that I have to either wait till the first load is done drying, OR I have to split the washed load into 2 dryer loads (to ensure proper drying).

I will post pics as soon as I buy new batteries for the camera.

Bad Food day

It all started this mourning, when it was decided (am Im as much at fault for this one as anyone) to drive down to Sonic and return with breakfast. I load the kids in the wifes van (she stayed home), and we roll into Sonic. Only 1 car in drivethru - no cars in the parkign lot. We pull into a space, decide..and push the button. I shouldjh't have pushed the button - I should have run away in terror. Usually, Logan gets pissed when we go to Sonic. He wan't Burger King. He'll start a chant of SONIC SUCKS! SONIC SUCKS! Today, there was no such chant. He had been deceived by the darker side of the force.

(Push the button)

SONIC: "Hello, Welcome to Sonic, can I take your order?"

ME: "Good mouring - I'd like 2 orders of French toast sticks" (I pause) "2 breakfast burrito combos (I pause again) - "With tots...........dropped fresh please, I want them hot"..................."And Dr peppers for both drinks........no ice in either drink please"

(A long pause - like a minute long)

ME: "Hey, are you still there?"

SONIC:" Yes sir - just a second please"

(another 2 minutes go by)

SONIC: "Ok sir, so that was 2 orders of french toast......"

ME: "Yeah..."

(A 30 second pause)

SONIC: "And what else was there?"

ME: " WHat else was there?! Your fucking kidding right? There are hidden cameras somewhere, right? What do you remember of what I just ordered?"

SONIC:" Just the french toast"

ME: "NO NO NO Dammit! You got no other customers! What the hell are you doing in there that you put me on hold for 2 minutes and forget my order? Are you serious?"

Logan: (From the rear of the van) "Do you understand the words that are comin outta my mouth?!"(As he points to his mouth, just like Chris Tucker in Rush Hour)

SONIC: "Could you repeat your order sir?"

(I take a really friggin deep breath - out with the bad air - in with the good air...)

ME: (I repeat the order)

SONIC: "Will that be all?"

ME: " Oh hell no - you better repeat that back to me"

SONIC : (repeats it right)

(side note- Breakfast burrito combo=$3 each French toast sticks=$1 each $8 right? NO!)

SONIC:" Ok sir, that will be $12.73"

(I push the button once more, and get the same girl, who welcomes me to Sonic and asks for my order)

ME:" Look, you have got to be shittin me - there is no way in hell that an $8 order comes to almost $13. I know I aint be no good at math sometimes, but today aint one of those days"

(She corrects the total, the food arrives, and we go home. My burrito wrapping was s little bit stale, but the rest of the food was pretty good.)

FLASH FORWARD TO LUNCH:

We go to McDonalds. Now I don't know who the jackass is that decided to start puttin pepper on the meat, but they need their ass kicked. And right next to him, I want the bitch that dared call it "SALT". Aint no fucking salt! IT"S PEPPER! You can't even get away with calling it seasoning salt, cause it's JUST PEPPER!

I order 2 double cheese burgers WITHOUT PEPPER/SALT, but they fuck em up anyways. Luckily, I also bought 2 orders of nuggets, which fed the kids and I just fine. I call up the clown and bitch them out, and they offer to "replace them if I come right back". I ask them "How about replacing the rest of my food that's gettign cold while I drive all the hell way back there? How about replacing my gas?". All I got was the damn burgers, so I guess we'll be eating McD's tomorrow for lunch as well (sigh!)

DINNER :

There's a place called Genghis Khan's Mongolian BBQ. Nice place. The boys and I eat lunch there a lot. THey only charge me for me, so the boys eat free. Total with tip comes to $10, and you get a stamp for each meal (Collect 10 and your next meal is free).

They seat us WAY in the back. In the past, (durin dinner hours) as soon as my ass hit that seat, damn if a smoker didn't come in, sit down, and light up. I should mention that I was assured that the ENTIRE place was non-smoking. Today was no different.

I got there with the boys ( my mom was meeting us up there, but was late), so we sat down. They take us to the back. I go thru the "No fuckin smoking, right? ENTIRE place, RIGHT? No goddamed smoking?!". They assure me the entire place is no-smoking. So we sit, we get our soup and our food, and sure as shit, down sits a smoker 1 table over and lights up. I get the waitress, and tel her that someone is smoking. She gets the hostess, and they both dissapear in the back room. So I walk over the the guy and tell him taht "Im sorry, but this is non-smoking". He points to the ashtray that they gave him, and says "Sorry", but continues to smoke. Im fuckin fuming! No only is this guy an asshole, but the managmane and staff are nowhere to be found, and are NOT backing me up on this. I start swearing and throwing a fit that would make an angry black woman proud. I take the boys, and move to a table all the way in the front. Then I go back for our drinks and food. Along the way, a male manager sees me trasnporting the kids (Lance still in his highchair), and he tries to pat him on the head. I block his hand with my arm and shoulder, and tell him to get his goddamned hands off my kids. He asks what was wrong, and I tel him how pissed off I am. And that this kinda bullshit has happened before. Either you ARE or ARE NOT non=smoking. ANd nobody - and I mean NO GODDAMED BODY smokes around my kids. During this, my mom showed up, is clueless, and no help whatsoever. Furthermore, she hears my rant about smoker and my kids (and SHE'S partially responcible for my bronchitus - all that damned second hand smoke I got from her as a child).

We get situated, we eat, and my mom pushed the wrong button.

(I knowIm swearing a lot in the entry - but I'm trying to keep it real)

MY MOTHER

She has been annoying the shit out of me by snide remarks she makes after Logan says somethign to her. Admittedly, Logan had speach problems. He slurs words, he drops the second syllable sometimes - typical 3 year old stuff). But my mom always has to make a show of it, by turning away, shakign her head, and saying "Whatever, I knwo what the hell he just said" (or something similar).

You all know that you know your own kids vocabulary. In a few words, indistinguishable to anyone else, you can fully understand what you kids to telling you a story about. My mom mentioned his football shirt he had on. He told her that it wasn't football, that it was hockey - and that he has a football movie at home, where the guy gets picked up and yells "DOWN SHREK! DOWN SHREK!". (He is referencing the new Longest Yard " movie). I KNOW that we have told my mom, on several occasions, about that DOWN SHREK line, but she turns, shakes her head and says "Whatever - I can't make out a single thing he says".

Instantly, like magic, a quote from that same movie LEAPS from my mouth. Before I had a chance to stop it.

"You know, you really need to cut that shit out. It's getting old".

I explain, more sensitively, that she is being rude by what she is doing. And when Logan can sense that Gramdma is acting not nice, he won't want to talk to her at all anymore. "THis is your grandson. If you meet a starnger's kid on the street, and he talks with a mouth fulla shit, you can do the head shake and say you can't understand shit he says. But you don't do that to you grandson."

(Dada talked bad to grandma - I hope that Logan reads this later and sees that I stood my ground for him)

She gets all silent, and then says "I guess there never anything Ive ever done right, huh?"

Me "You got one thing right 35 years ago" (Im 35 )
HER: I'm starting to wonder about that.

The rest of the meal was pretty quiet, then we paid the check, said goodbye and went our seperate ways. Don't expect to be hearing toomuch more from grandma anytime soon.

(But the bitch better show up for easter. Her and I got into an argument before Logan's first easter, and she never showed up. I've also never forgiven her for that. Be pissed at me, but don't blow off my kid.)

Our food sucked today, we were exposed to cigarette smoke, and my mother got put in her place, but at least we got TONS of clean LAUNDRY!!

3 Comments:

  • At 12:08 AM, Blogger jd said…

    I gotta say, Shannon, you're the best. You always stand your ground no matter what the situation is or who it is. You never sacrifice your values. I love reading your blog just for that . . . and you always make me laugh. You've got some lucky boys.

     
  • At 1:11 PM, Blogger Jeff said…

    so, ummm..... did ya get dessert?

    (runnin' away laughing)

     
  • At 4:22 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    "Mouth fulla shit" and "Mongolian BBQ" does not make for a good restaurant review!

    Hey, my mom does that same thing, if I give one tiny little criticism of her, she trots out the "I guess I was just a bad mother?" crap. Touchy touchy!

     

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