Slight reflection on someone elses future
I found a blog that kinda caught my interest. As many blogs that are out there, and sorry to say, most of em suck. Badly written, topics I could't give a rats rear about, and so on. TONS by little tween, whining and bitching about friends who weren't friendly, people who were mean to them, and how much love sucks cause they got shit on by "the one". I gave up a profession as a child and family therapist (and a couples counselor) when I encountered the worst thing that I could have imagined...I stopped wanting to hear about other people problems....when they weren't honestly willing to work to fix them. Got a problem? Want my help? I'll help. But don't waste my time going through the motions half assed. Anyways, seeing all of the tween blogs reminds me of how these kids will grow up to be adults, with the same "waaa" attitude. BUT...one blog struck me as somehow different. Brian (http://eternalwintersolstice.blogspot.com/) stated that he created his blog to find direction....to vent emotional frustration. When I saw the title "Eternal Winter Solstice", it took me back to 1988. MY Eternal Winter Solstice. I had had girlfriends before, and had been a bit emotion when I got broken up with (worth noting, I've only broke up with 1 girlfriend -we stayed friends- all the others dumped me). But Stacy Lee Dick was a horse of a different color. She was pretty, she was charming, a tom boy, and most notable to how she stole my heart....she was my first. Anyone who says that there is nothing special about your "first" either had a horrible experience, or is a liar. I was a senior, and on top of the world. President of the German CLub, just came back from being an exchange student to Berlin, academic diploma soon to be in hand, had the best friends a guy could ask for, college bound, and the girl of my dreams. The magical shit hit the reality fan right before prom. (I forgot to mention...I lived in Virginia, and she lived in New Hampshire). Long distance relationship. Anyways, she dumped me before my prom, and my world fell apart. All my plans ...gone. I was heartbroken. Not to mention dateless to the prom. I wanted (after the breakup) to walk into prom with the most beautiful, vivascious(SP?) woman I could find. I wanted to be Anthony Michael Hall from Weird Science...I just needed to find Kelly Lebrock (OR Tawny Kitain from the Whitesnake video). All the babes I found weren't interested in a Don Johnson Miami Vice) wannabe. I went through a hopeless search (even had a friend named Kim try and set me up with this cute little blond..she sounded interested, until she saw a picture of me..then she avoided me for the rest of the skool year. I still dont get that one). Anyways....I overlooked a really nice girl..a female friend that was in our grouop. She was nice, but not WOW enough for the imafge I wanted to portray. We'll come back to her later.
I approach the prettiest, most non-obtainable girl I could find....she knew of me from friends....and asked her (this level of humility was a last ditch effort. I never expected her to say yes...it was kind of a kamakazi thing). She said she'd love to . Turns out, she was a junior, had a boyfriend, and had DEMANDED that he take her to the prom. He told her "I cant..I dont go to yoru skool, and your not a senior". But..she was a biotch. (OF course, I find all this out after.....) Anyways, we go to prom, and all is well, until i ask her to dance....she says she can't cause she promised her boyfriend she wouldn't . I'm like "boyfriend??". So this bitch (Shila) and this other plotting bimbo (Fabronia), both who used a senior to get in the door, go runningff together to party at prom. Senior prom....both of them juniors. What a bitch. Still gets me mad, even to this day.
That night...I lost it. It was at a hotel on the Virginia Beach ocean front. I was in a white After Six tux, with tails, and ended up on the boardwalk. There was a fog that night, and it looked as if unicorns were going to just run onto the beach..right out of the water. I snapped. I mentally lost it for a while....just sat there and cried. A sailor (big navy town here) was walking with some friends. He was dressed in the crackerjack styled uniform. He told his friends to go ahead..and he sat with me for a while. Thinking back....I cant remember for how long....but it was for long enough. We talked as though we were old friends. I talked...he listened, then he'd say something to make me feel better. TO THIS DAY, I think he was an angel. Just like the song "Angels amoung us". I never knew his name..and never got the chance to say Thank You. The next day, I arrived early to work (McDonalds), and was listening to my Heart tape. The song "Nobody Home" came on, and it was as if she was singing to me directly.
Heart - Nobody Home Lyrics
Don't run too fast
Like a shot from a gun
Don?t jump too high
And knock out the sun
Don't stray too far
Out on your own
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
Don't pull too hard
Like a kite in the wind
You;ll break the string
When I reel you in
Don;t take off flying
All on your own
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
You say you?re feeling locked inside
Stuck inside to stay
You wanna fly away
There's nothing I can do
To help you make your play
Make your getaway
Don't dream too wild
And shoot for the moon
Don't ride your heart
Like a balloon
Don't blow away
To places unknown
Cause when you finally coming knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
Don't run too fast
Like a shot from a gun
Don't jump too high
And knock out the sun
Don't stray too far
Out on your own
Cause when you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
At that moment, I lifted the fog from myself, decided to have a better outlook, and got on with my life. It was slow going....but it was steady. I still find myself thinking back to Stacy from time to time. I miss the good times...the feeling I had when we were together. I guess I always will. What I hope Brian will take away from this post, if he reads it, is that you're not alone in feeling the winter. We've all been cold at sometime in our lives. It's rough...and can overtake you. But the only way to be able to look back and laugh is to move beyond it. Be able to look back.....dont get stuck there. It's ok to laugh at yourself...it's ok miss how you felt when you were with her. It's ok to have placed roofing nails under Shila's tires, so that she'd flatten all four when she backed out of her driveway the next morning. (that last staement was hypothetical, of course...purely hypothetical).
Oh..and that little tomboy, female friend that was a member of our little "group", ..the one I blew off ( had I have brought her to prom, we'd have had fun...honest, clean, 2 kids who liked each other, who could make each other laugh, fun). I never forgave myself for not taking here. Shortly after I got my act together (winter ended and my spring began), I asked her out on a date. And we dated for quite a while. From 1989-present. We got married in 2000, and now have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old.
Oh, I gotta wrap this up....the brownies I'm making to suprise her with just "dinged". Off to the kitchen. Thanks to anyone who hung in there to the end of this sad blog. Come on over....brownies are on me.
I approach the prettiest, most non-obtainable girl I could find....she knew of me from friends....and asked her (this level of humility was a last ditch effort. I never expected her to say yes...it was kind of a kamakazi thing). She said she'd love to . Turns out, she was a junior, had a boyfriend, and had DEMANDED that he take her to the prom. He told her "I cant..I dont go to yoru skool, and your not a senior". But..she was a biotch. (OF course, I find all this out after.....) Anyways, we go to prom, and all is well, until i ask her to dance....she says she can't cause she promised her boyfriend she wouldn't . I'm like "boyfriend??". So this bitch (Shila) and this other plotting bimbo (Fabronia), both who used a senior to get in the door, go runningff together to party at prom. Senior prom....both of them juniors. What a bitch. Still gets me mad, even to this day.
That night...I lost it. It was at a hotel on the Virginia Beach ocean front. I was in a white After Six tux, with tails, and ended up on the boardwalk. There was a fog that night, and it looked as if unicorns were going to just run onto the beach..right out of the water. I snapped. I mentally lost it for a while....just sat there and cried. A sailor (big navy town here) was walking with some friends. He was dressed in the crackerjack styled uniform. He told his friends to go ahead..and he sat with me for a while. Thinking back....I cant remember for how long....but it was for long enough. We talked as though we were old friends. I talked...he listened, then he'd say something to make me feel better. TO THIS DAY, I think he was an angel. Just like the song "Angels amoung us". I never knew his name..and never got the chance to say Thank You. The next day, I arrived early to work (McDonalds), and was listening to my Heart tape. The song "Nobody Home" came on, and it was as if she was singing to me directly.
Heart - Nobody Home Lyrics
Don't run too fast
Like a shot from a gun
Don?t jump too high
And knock out the sun
Don't stray too far
Out on your own
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
Don't pull too hard
Like a kite in the wind
You;ll break the string
When I reel you in
Don;t take off flying
All on your own
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
You say you?re feeling locked inside
Stuck inside to stay
You wanna fly away
There's nothing I can do
To help you make your play
Make your getaway
Don't dream too wild
And shoot for the moon
Don't ride your heart
Like a balloon
Don't blow away
To places unknown
Cause when you finally coming knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
Don't run too fast
Like a shot from a gun
Don't jump too high
And knock out the sun
Don't stray too far
Out on your own
Cause when you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
When you finally come knocking
When you finally come knocking
There'll be nobody home
Nobody home
At that moment, I lifted the fog from myself, decided to have a better outlook, and got on with my life. It was slow going....but it was steady. I still find myself thinking back to Stacy from time to time. I miss the good times...the feeling I had when we were together. I guess I always will. What I hope Brian will take away from this post, if he reads it, is that you're not alone in feeling the winter. We've all been cold at sometime in our lives. It's rough...and can overtake you. But the only way to be able to look back and laugh is to move beyond it. Be able to look back.....dont get stuck there. It's ok to laugh at yourself...it's ok miss how you felt when you were with her. It's ok to have placed roofing nails under Shila's tires, so that she'd flatten all four when she backed out of her driveway the next morning. (that last staement was hypothetical, of course...purely hypothetical).
Oh..and that little tomboy, female friend that was a member of our little "group", ..the one I blew off ( had I have brought her to prom, we'd have had fun...honest, clean, 2 kids who liked each other, who could make each other laugh, fun). I never forgave myself for not taking here. Shortly after I got my act together (winter ended and my spring began), I asked her out on a date. And we dated for quite a while. From 1989-present. We got married in 2000, and now have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old.
Oh, I gotta wrap this up....the brownies I'm making to suprise her with just "dinged". Off to the kitchen. Thanks to anyone who hung in there to the end of this sad blog. Come on over....brownies are on me.
posted by Darth Daddy @ 12/01/2004 12:15:00 PM
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